Bonk On The Head
by Miko2
Summary: After a concussion, Akane thinks she's Ranma... and acts like him... and somehow fights like him... A completed story, and a rather silly one at that


Bonk On The Head

M A Davis / Miko

"Come on, Ranma! Fight me for real!"

Akane Tendo skipped backwards to the edge of the roof. She planted her feet. The wind tugged at her yellow gi, and her eyes flashed with determination as she assumed a defensive crouch. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, and for once Ranma had agreed to spar with his fiancee. But she still wasn't satisfied.

Ranma Saotome grinned. Even when she was frustrated, Akane looked cute. He recalled his first match with her on his first day at the Tendo Dojo, before she'd known he was a guy. She'd been cute then, he now admitted to himself, and she was even cuter now. Violent, yes. A tomboy, certainly. But also quite easy on the eyes.

He approached her casually, carelessly, with all the caution he might use to approach the mailman. There was no wariness in his movements, no indication that he was even involved in a fight. There was no stance. For all his outward demeanor, he might have been strolling through the park. Not that he was ignoring her, exactly, but his every move made it clear that he probably _could_ ignore her, for all the threat she represented.

And he didn't even _know_. His casual approach to most fights was so ingrained that he did it without thinking. That he might be pissing Akane off just by standing there casually didn't even cross his mind.

Akane growled and lunged at him. He could see the angry red chi surrounding her, even if he didn't quite grasp the real reason she was so angry. Her moves were even easier to predict than usual -- she was broadcasting them loud and clear. He blocked or dodged each punch with a minimal effort.

"Stop moving around!" Akane growled. "How can I ever hit you if you don't stand still!"

"You _want_ me to let you hit me?" Ranma asked, hands locked behind his head. He dodged left then right, avoiding Akane's punches.

"NO!" Akane yelled. "I just want you to stop goofing off! Take me seriously for once! Fight me for real!"

It wasn't that Akane wasn't talented -- any normal person might be amazed at what she could do, and consider her a formidable foe -- but the gulf between her talent level and his was like the Pacific Ocean. He wanted to close that gap, at least a little bit, by helping Akane improve, but it was like building a bridge from Japan to California. You probably couldn't do it at all, and you _certainly_ couldn't do it all at in one afternoon.

Ranma tried to give Akane just as much as she could handle, and no more. She complained constantly, knowing that he was holding back. But if he were to completely let loose...

He flipped backwards, avoiding a roundhouse kick, then threw a few punches that Akane was just able to block. Akane fell back, and Ranma paused, hands in pockets. She was breathing heavily now, but said, "Come on, Ranma! Can't you punch harder than that? Or are you that afraid of hitting me? I can't improve if you don't push me, you know!"

"I'd say I'm giving you a hard workout."

"No you're not! And it's not fair! How can I ever be as good as you if you don't fight me for real? Stop going easy on me! _Hit_ me!"

Ranma grimaced. Well, maybe he _could_ take it up just a notch. Just enough to scare her and make her shut up.

As he blocked her next series of blows, Ranma slipped a single punch through Akane's defenses. It was quite easy to do, really; his fist slid inside her guard as effortlessly as the wind. He really meant just to tap her on the chin -- enough to make her head snap back a little, that was all. Enough to teach her that begging for a real fight with him was not a good idea. A hard punch, like he'd use in a fight with Mousse or Ryoga, but pulled up short so that he didn't hit her _that_ hard.

That was the plan. Of course, a fight can be unpredictable, and even the best martial artist can't be perfect _all_ the time.

Akane lunged forward, directly into the punch. She failed to see it coming. Her head snapped back _hard_. Her body went flying toward the koi pond. Ranma or Genma flew like that towards the pond at least once a day, and if not them then Ryoga or Mousse or Kuno. But not Akane. Never Akane.

Ranma cried out. He made a desperate leap forward to try and save her, but it was too late. Her head hit the rocks ringing the pool with a sickening crunch, and she collapsed like a rag doll.

Ranma was at her side in an instant. She was unconscious. Blood began to seep from the wound in her head.

The other members of the household were there a moment later, as if magically summoned.

"Oh! Akane!" Kasumi knelt beside her younger sister, examining the wound.

"It's only a nasty bump on the head," Ranma said, a note of desperation in his voice. "I've had them lots of times before. She'll be okay." He watched Kasumi work, hoping that she'd confirm his statement.

"Akane!" Soun Tendo wailed. "My daughter! What did you do to her?"

"What have you done, boy?" Genma growled.

"I'm sorry!" Ranma said. "She was begging me to 'fight her for real.' But I didn't mean to really hit her..."

"YOU _HIT_ MY DAUGHTER?" Soun's patented demon-head lashed out at Ranma, forcing him to leap back. There wasn't a lot about Soun Tendo that impressed Ranma, but the demon-head trick always inspired terror and awe.

"I said I'm sorry! I wasn't supposed to hit her that hard! But she kept asking me to..."

"Ranma! If my daughter isn't okay... if anything at all is wrong with her..."

"I know! I know!"

Nabiki folded her arms across her chest. "Saotome, you fool. Don't you realize how much more powerful than her you are?"

"Of course I know! It was an accident!"

Soun carefully lifted his unconscious daughter and carried her upstairs to her room. Kasumi and Genma followed. Ranma watched them go, feeling miserable. He clenched his fists, angry at himself. "I pushed her too hard," he whispered, nearly inaudible. "I knew better, but I did it anyway. Well, I won't let that happen again. I'll do anything in my power to make it up to you, Akane. Whatever it takes, I promise I'll do it."

He didn't notice Nabiki still standing nearby, in the shadows of a tree that bordered the property. She watched as Ranma walked away. She raised an eyebrow.

"Anything?" she repeated.

XXX

When he awoke, his head was pounding like an unbalanced washing machine. He groaned, sat up, and waited for the room to stop spinning about.

Slowly everything came into focus. He blinked. He looked around. Although the room was dark, he could see enough to know that something was wrong.

What was he doing in Akane's room?

The first thing that popped into his head was that he was here to steal her underwear. He was, after all, a bit of a pervert, even if he wouldn't admit it. However, at the current moment he couldn't imagine the attraction to such an odd vice. Happi certainly seemed to enjoy it... but why?

He felt the bump on his head. He didn't remember how he'd gotten it, but it probably involved Akane and her violent mood. Obviously, he'd been unconscious. Somebody must have placed him here, then.

But why Akane's room? If Akane found him in here, he'd quickly have a second lump to match the first!

Realizing that he'd better _not_ be found here, he slipped out of bed, opened the window, and climbed silently and effortlessly to the roof. There he paused. He glanced down.

Okay, so he was in girl form. That didn't explain why he was wearing Akane's pajamas. The thin yellow top billowed about him in the wind. And... could it be? He placed a hand to his chest in surprise. A bra? Why was he wearing a bra?

What the hell was going on? What had he been up to anyway?

Frowning, he ran across the roof, flipped through the window into the room he shared with his father, and quickly stripped. Seconds later, dressed in his own familiar boxer shorts, silk shirt and pants, he slipped down the hallway and carefully placed Akane's clothing back in her room.

XXX

"Yo! When's dinner?"

Everyone in the Tendo household was gathered around the dinner table. Dinner was nearly over. The television blared in the background.

They all turned to look at the person coming down the stairs.

"Aw, man, you guys ate without me?"

"Oh, Akane!" Kasumi said. "You're awake! Are you feeling okay?"

"Akane!" Soun cried out. "Thank the heavens you're all right!"

Nabiki looked her younger sister up and down. Akane Tendo was dressed in a red silk top and black silk pants -- Ranma's clothes. "Akane? _Are_ you feeling okay?"

The youngest Tendo scratched the back of her head idly. "Oh, I dunno. I guess so. Got a nasty bump on the head, but I've had them before." She paused, then added, "Why are you calling me Akane?"

"Why are you wearing my clothes?" Ranma asked. Ranma was in girl form at the moment.

Akane jumped back as if stung. "I -- I'm not!" she exclaimed. "I - I waswhenIwokeupbutIdon'tknowwhy! It'snotmyfault, honest! I put everything back in your room..."

Her voice trailed off as she stared at Ranma. "Akane? Why the heck are _you_ wearing _my_ clothes?"

"That's what I was asking you!" Ranma growled. She paused, then added, "Who're you calling Akane, Akane?"

"You!" Akane growled back. "Stop actin' so weird, Akane! And you didn't answer my question: why are you wearing my clothes?"

Now equally confused, Ranma glanced about the table. "What's she talking about?" she asked. "What's wrong with Akane?"

"Hmm," Nabiki said. She got up and stood behind Ranma. She placed her hands on Ranma's shoulders, and looked directly at Akane. "Let me get this straight," she said. "This person here is...?"

"Akane, of course," Akane said.

"And you are...?"

"RANMA, of course!" Akane yelled. "And you're Nabiki, and that's Kasumi, and that's Pops and that's Mr. Tendo. And I got no idea where the old freak is. Does that make everything clear? Can we stop with the stupid question and answer game, and can someone tell me why Akane is wearing my clothes, and why everyone is acting so weird?"

"Oh, my!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"Wah! My daughter called me 'Mr. Tendo'!" Soun burst into tears.

"Mr. Tendo?" Akane asked hesitantly.

"Wah! She did it again!"

"Oh, father," Kasumi said.

Soun turned on Ranma. "Ranma! This is all your fault!"

Akane was looking more and more confused. "Um.. can someone tell me what's going on?"

"Let me see if I can clear things up," Nabiki said. She stepped into the kitchen and returned with a kettle. "Ranma turns into a guy when doused with hot water, yes?"

"Of course," Akane said.

Nabiki poured hot water over Akane. Akane glanced down at herself.

"Hey! What gives? Why didn't I turn into a guy?"

"Because," Nabiki replied, walking over to Ranma. "You aren't Ranma. You've had a bump on the head, and somehow it's made you _think_ that you're Ranma. But this is the real Ranma here."

"Come on, Nabiki," Akane said. "I don't got time for your stupid head games..." her voice trailed off as hot water cascaded over Ranma's head, transforming him back to a guy.

"That's..." Akane's voice faltered. "That's... that's not possible! That's Akane! I'm Ranma Saotome! I am! I..."

Akane's eyes glazed over, and she collapsed onto the floor.

XXX

Dr. Tofu stepped from his exam room into the lounge area and quietly slid the door shut behind him. He adjusted his glasses. "She was awake for a few minutes, but I put her back to sleep for the time being," he said. "She's had a nasty bump on the head, and for some reason she thinks she's Ranma."

"So we noticed," Nabiki said dryly. The whole Tendo household was gathered in the waiting room, minus the unconscious Akane and the conspicuously absent Kasumi.

"What's wrong with her?" Ranma asked.

"Yes, Doctor," Soun added. "What's the matter with my precious daughter? Can you help her?"

"Well," the Doctor said, "I'm not a psychologist or an expert on how the brain works, but I've seen things like this before. Sometimes a head trauma can result in a dramatic change in personality. Why this is is not entirely clear. Perhaps deep down, Akane wished to be as powerful a martial artist as Ranma, and somehow this has resulted in her temporarily thinking that she _is_ Ranma."

"Well that sorta makes sense," Ranma said. "How do we snap her out of it? Hit her on the head again?"

"RANMA! YOU WILL NOT HIT MY DAUGHTER AGAIN!"

Ranma cowered from the giant demon head that was suddenly towering over him. "Okay, okay! Sheesh! It was just a suggestion!'

"Unfortunately, we just have to let events play out," Dr. Tofu replied. "With injuries of this sort, time is the best physician. For the time being, we must allow Akane to think that she is really Ranma. I must stress this point -- anything that contradicts her current world view can have serious repercussions, and could possibly damage her psyche, maybe even irreparably."

"What are you saying, Doc? We gotta go around pretending she's me?"

Tofu turned his gaze on Ranma. "Yes. And since she sees herself in you, you must pretend to be Akane."

"What? No way!"

"You must, Ranma. Akane's mental well-being is at stake here."

"Forget it, Doc! I ain't doin' it!"

"Boy! You will do as you're told!"

"Really, Dr. Tofu," Nabiki said, "this isn't exactly an episode of Gilligan's Island. Maybe Akane needs to see a psychiatrist..."

"No," Soun Tendo said. "What Dr. Tofu says makes sense." He turned to glare at Ranma. "If you love my daughter, son, then you will do this. It's only for a short time... isn't that right, Dr. Tofu?"

The physician adjusted his glasses. "Well, it's hard to say how long it might take, but she should eventually snap out of it. Perhaps a few days, at most?"

The doctor glanced towards the entrance of his clinic. It was nearly dark outside, but the shadow of someone could just be seen through the rice paper door. The doctor seemed to lose his composure for a moment, and stammered, "I-in the m-meantime, p-perhaps K-k-kasumi could escort Ranma h-home and see to it that he's properly disguised as Akane? I don't want Akane to see Ranma when she wakes up."

"A wise suggestion," Soun replied. Genma nodded his head sagely.

"Now hold on just a second!" Ranma exclaimed. "I don't care what this quack says, I am _not_ going to pretend that I'm..."

Dr. Tofu jabbed Ranma in the back. "Hey! What gives?" Ranma jumped back. "What do you think you're doing?"

The doctor began filling a cup with water. "Just applying a simple shiatsu pressure point," he said.

"What?"

"The Full Body Cat Tongue, to be exact." Dr. Tofu splashed Ranma with the contents of his cup. Instantly, Ranma was female. "You remember that one, don't you?" Tofu said. "It makes your body as sensitive as a cat tongue. Even lukewarm water will seem boiling hot to you, and you will therefore find it impossible to transform. After all," the doctor added, "we certainly don't want you transforming in front of Akane. That could be catastrophic."

"What? You can't..."

Tofu reached out and snagged the dragon's whisker from the end of Ranma's pigtail. "You shouldn't need this for the time being," Tofu said. "Nabiki, see to it that K-k-kasumi cuts Ranma's hair, okay? Short, like Akane's."

"What?"

"Of course, Doctor Tofu," Nabiki said with a smirk.

"Now wait a second!"

"Boy! Do as Doctor Tofu says!"

"Please, son! This is for Akane's sake!"

"Come on, Ranma, before Akane wakes up," Nabiki said. "Daddy's right; this _is_ the best thing for Akane. Besides, the fun is only beginning..."

XXX

Soun and Genma looked on as Doctor Tofu applied a lather to Akane's scalp and then rinsed her hair with a hand-held shower head.

"I hadn't realized you had this beautician's sink here," Soun Tendo said.

"Yes," Tofu answered. "It's very useful for certain shampoo-based herbal and shiatsu techniques. Cologne-sama has been kind enough to instruct me in a number of them."

As they watched, Akane's hair began to grow, until it was several feet long.

"Very impressive," Genma said. He picked a packet up from the table. "Instant Hair Growth Potion? I had no idea such a thing even existed..." He looked as if he'd just discovered gold hidden between the couch cushions.

"My apologies, Mr. Saotome," the doctor said, taking the package from Genma's hands. "This is a hair _growth_ potion, not a hair restorer. It only makes what hair you have grow faster; it can't produce hair where there is none. In fact, it can have the opposite effect, for extended use of this product can lead to premature baldness... but for single uses like this it's perfectly safe."

"Ah, too bad then," Genma said, crestfallen.

Tofu quickly applied a hair color treatment. A few minutes later, Akane was back on the exam table, but now her hair was as red as Ranma's normally was in female form, and it was tied back in a pigtail just like Ranma's.

Moments later Akane opened her eyes. She looked around.

"Doctor Tofu?" she said. "Pops? Mr. Tendo?"

Soun Tendo quietly burst into tears.

Dr. Tofu said, "How are you feeling, Ranma?"

Akane sat up. "Okay, I guess." She felt the bump on her head. "I was at home... I was arguing with Akane over something, I... can't remember about what. I... I must have passed out."

"Yes, that's correct. Your family brought you here to see me."

"I... can't remember much of what happened, to be honest," Akane said. "Am I okay, Doc?"

"You're fine, Ranma. But you've had a nasty bump on the head."

"Yeah... from earlier today... I musta got hit a lot harder than I thought..."

"Indeed," the doctor said. "It's quite serious. In fact, I think you should avoid hot water for a while."

"Avoid hot water?" Akane stared at Doctor Tofu as if he'd just told her she had ten days to live. "I can't do that, Doc! I'd be stuck as a girl!"

"Yes," Dr. Tofu replied, "but it's best that you don't transform for now. Transformations could aggravate your head injury. Because of this, I've given you a special moxibustion, to prevent you from transforming..."

"What? No way!"

"Now, it's nothing to be alarmed about," Dr. Tofu said. "It's just until your head wound heals. In the meantime, you'll find that water will no longer activate your curse."

"But Doc! That means I'm stuck as a girl!"

"This is true," the doctor said, "but it can't be helped, Ranma. After all, it's nothing that you haven't gone through before, yes?"

XXX

"I told you, I ain't doing it! I don't care what Doc Tofu says!"

Ranma sat in Akane's room, on Akane's bed, while Nabiki and Kasumi sorted through Akane's clothing picking out a typical Akane ensemble for Ranma's benefit.

"You have to, Ranma, for Akane's sake," Kasumi said. "What do you think, Nabiki? The green dress, or the red?"

"Oh, the red, definitely," Nabiki replied. Kasumi smiled and placed on the bed a red sleeveless jumper dress with a large bow that tied in the back.

"No way!" Ranma growled. "Dress like a girl? Absolutely not!"

"But you _are_ a girl," Nabiki said. "Even normally you're a girl at least one third of the time, and now thanks to Doctor Tofu you're stuck as a girl for several days, at the very least."

"That doesn't mean I gotta dress like one!"

"If you're going to imitate Akane, then it's best to dress in her clothes," Kasumi said. "Hmm, a white blouse would work, but..."

";Look," Ranma said, "I never agreed to this harebrained scheme of Tofu's..."

"How about this yellow blouse?" Kasumi asked. She held up a blouse with short puffed sleeves.

"Oooh yes, perfect!" Nabiki replied. "Just what Akane would wear! And she'll need the yellow silk bra and matching panties..."

"Yes," Kasumi said, "or a white cotton bra and the yellow-striped panties would work just as well..."

"No!" Ranma blurted out. "Are you two even listening to me? I ain't doing it! No way, no how!"

"Ranma," Nabiki said, arms folded across her chest. "Have you forgotten the promise you made to my sister?"

"Promise? What promise?"

"After you hit her and knocked her out. You promised to do anything in your power to make it up to her. I believe you even said, 'Whatever it takes.'"

Ranma's eyes went wide. "But that... I didn't mean..."

"Whatever it takes, Ranma," Nabiki said. "That covers just about everything, doesn't it? Really, is dressing and acting like Akane for a day or two too much to ask?"

Ranma sighed, then seemed to visibly deflate. "Fine. I'll do it, then."

"Wonderful!" Kasumi said, clasping her hands together. "Now, if you'll come with me to the bathroom, we still need to dye and cut your hair..."

XXX

Ranma was coming down the stairs when Mr. Tendo entered the house. Soun stopped and stared. It was easy to see why. Dressed like Akane and with black hair cut exactly like Akane's, Ranma looked, at least at first glance, remarkably like her fiancee. Ranma herself had done a double-take when she first saw her reflection in a mirror.

"Is... is that really _you_, son?" Mr. Tendo asked.

"Mr. Tendo?" Ranma asked. "Where's Akane?"

"Now, now," Nabiki said as she came down the stairs behind Ranma. "Remember your training. _You_ are Akane. Your fiancee is Ranma."

Soun Tendo straightened up and cleared his throat. "That's right. From this moment on, until my daughter's memory is recovered, you are Akane Tendo, my daughter. So, to answer your question... Saotome and his _son, Ranma_ will be home in a few minutes. I thought it best to leave them alone... well, that is, I would have thought it best had it actually _been_ Ranma and Genma, and since we are acting as if that is indeed the case, I thought to act as I would have acted if it really were the case, which we're pretending that it is."

Ranma blinked in confusion. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Soun leaped forward and grasped Ranma's hands. "Look at you! You almost had me fooled, for a second there! I just know you're going to make a wonderful Akane!"

"Ah... sure thing, Mr... I mean, Daddy." She'd been coached by Nabiki and Kasumi.

"Wah!" Tears began flowing down Soun Tendo's cheeks, and he wrapped his newly-christened daughter in a tight hug. "You called me 'daddy'!"

"Whoa!" Ranma exclaimed. "Mr. Tendo, take it easy..."

"No, no, no!" Soun pulled back, grasping Ranma by the shoulders. "Call me _father._ Please!"

"Yes, father," Ranma replied.

"Oh, my sweet daughter Akane!" Soun exclaimed, wrapping Ranma in another tight embrace.

"Mr. Ten.. I mean, _Dad_..." Ranma began.

"I promise to be the best father you've ever had!" Soun cried.

"Well, that won't be hard," Nabiki said with a smirk.

After extricating herself, Ranma made her way into the living room, where she flopped down in front of the TV. Nabiki followed her and sat on the couch. Ranma began flipping through the channels, finally settling on a campy samurai movie.

Nabiki said, "Uh-uh."

"What? You want to watch something else?"

"The question isn't what _I_ want to watch," Nabiki said, "but what _you_ want to watch."

"Okay, then," Ranma said. "This is what I want to watch."

"No," Nabiki said. "You're Akane, remember? You have to _act_ like her. Akane would have stopped two channels back."

Ranma flipped back two channels, then made a face. "This? This is just some sappy love story."

"Exactly," Nabiki replied.

Ranma stared at the TV, then at Nabiki. "Oh, man, you gotta be kidding me!" she said. "Do I really gotta watch this crap?"

"Of course you do," Nabiki said. "You made a promise, remember? And don't call it 'crap', because Akane wouldn't say that."

"Yeah, but this sucks! Akane better get her head back together quick. I don't know how long I can do this."

"Come now, my dear little sister," Nabiki said. "This is a good movie, trust me. Watch it, you might learn something."

Ten minutes later they heard shouting outside, then a splash. Nabiki raised an eyebrow. Thoroughly engrossed in the movie, Ranma apparently didn't notice.

Akane walked into the room. Nabiki's eyebrow went up further. Akane was still dressed like Ranma. She had red hair, tied back into a pigtail just like Ranma's. She even _moved_ like Ranma.

She flopped down next to Ranma. Ranma spared her a glance, then a more penetrating look.

"Akane?"

"Don't start that again," Akane growled. "_I'm_ Ranma. _You're_ Akane."

"Oh, yeah," Ranma said. "Sorry. Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Akane asked. "When is something _not_ wrong? I got this stupid Jusenkyo curse, I got an idiot for a father, I'm engaged to a violent tomboy... no offense intended..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Ranma said. "I meant _besides_ all that."

Akane grimaced. "Well, Doctor Tofu gave me this moxibustion that keeps me from transforming back to a guy. So I'm stuck as a girl, for now. That's what's wrong!"

Ranma frowned. No such moxibustion really existed, as far as she knew, although the full-body cat tongue pressure point effectively produced the same results. But it was a clever lie on Tofu's part. Now Akane had an explanation for why she couldn't transform into a guy.

Which was a good thing in Ranma's book. Becoming a girl was one thing, having her fiancee become a guy was not something she ever wanted to see.

Still, it was weird to hear Akane complain about it. But Ranma could sympathize, especially right now. She said, "Well, that sucks. But for whatever it's worth, I know how you feel."

"No you don't!" Akane growled. "Being a girl is normal for you! You're used to it!"

Ranma started to reply, then froze. She frowned, and returned her attention to the television. Akane watched a moment, then said, "What is this, some mushy romantic crap? Isn't there a good action flick on? Here, let me check..." She reached for the remote.

"No!" Ranma exclaimed, snatching the remote. "This is just getting interesting! See, this girl, she's in love with this guy who's this rich high-class type, but she can't bring herself to tell him because she's afraid that he couldn't possibly like a lower-class girl like her. But he'd be crazy to _not_ like her, you know? She just doesn't realize how beautiful she really is. And meanwhile there's this other guy who's a no-good biker delinquent, and he really likes her a lot, but she's afraid of him. But he's not really a bad guy, you know? I mean he's really got a heart of gold underneath, if she could only _see_ that..."

"Yeah, Akane, whatever," Akane said, getting up. "I'm gonna take a bath. Later."

"Ranma?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah?" Akane replied.

"We heard some shouting a few minutes ago. It sounded like Ryoga to me."

"Yeah," Akane said. "He attacked me out of nowhere, shouting something about, 'Ranma, it's time you pay for what you've done' or somesuch. You know, his usual gibberish. That idiot is really starting to get on my nerves."

Ranma and Nabiki both glanced up sharply. "And?" Nabiki asked.

"And what?" Akane said. "I clocked him, of course."

Ranma blinked in surprise.

"Wait a second. _You_ clocked _Ryoga_?"

"Sure."

Ranma stared at her a moment. "Hmmm. Must have been caught off guard."

"Why?" Akane asked. "I pound him all the time. I'm better than him, you know. I'm Ranma Saotome."

"Whatever," Ranma said. "How hard you hit him?"

"Pretty hard. Knocked him into the koi pond."

Ranma gulped, her eyes growing large again. "And then? What happened to him after that?"

"How should I know?" Akane replied. "Maybe he sank to the bottom and drowned. It wouldn't hurt my feelings any." She turned away. "Now, if you don't mind..." She headed off to the bathing room.

Nabiki and Ranma exchanged looks. "I'll just go check the koi pond," Nabiki said, getting up."Good idea," Ranma said. She turned back to the television.

"No! No, you fool!" she exclaimed. She gripped the pillow she was lying on tightly. "This is your big chance! Tell him! Tell him that you love him!"

Nabiki returned a minute later. "Nothing in the pond," she said. "No telling where he might have..."

Her voice was cut off by a loud, terrified pig squeal. A small black object flew into the room from the direction of the bath. It bounced off the wall and landed in Nabiki's arms.

Nabiki looked down at a black pig quivering with fear. She lifted it by the collar and handed it to Ranma. "I believe it's looking for you," she said.

Akane yelled from the hallway, "Come back here, you cowardly pork chop!" Moments later she ran into the living room, stark naked.

"Oh, good grief," Nabiki said. "What next?" She glared at Ranma. "This is all your fault, you know."

Akane growled, "I'm gonna turn you into bacon, you lousy..."

"Hey!" Ranma yelled. "Watcha doing? You trying to hurt the pig?"

"Butt out, Akane! I don't care if he's your 'Precious P-Chan'! This is between me and that pig!"

"Geez! What did he do to you?"

"Do to me?" Akane said. "He didn't do anything! Do I ever need a reason? I'm _Ranma_! I beat up on the pig for no reason at all!"

"No I don't!" Ranma exclaimed. She glanced down at the pig. It stared at her for a moment in confusion, then, deciding on who it was really looking at, it glared and bit down hard on Ranma's hand.

"Yeowch!" Ranma tossed the offending pig across the room. "You ungrateful beast!"

"Aha!" Akane crowed, bounding after the pig. "I've got you now, pork chop!"

The pig fled down the hallway, Akane chasing it.

"A word of advice," Nabiki said.

"What's that?" Ranma asked.

"It's your job to defend your precious P-Chan. He's your pet, remember?"

"He bit me!"

"No doubt he's more than a little confused right now," Nabiki said. "Who wouldn't be?"

Ranma snorted. "As far as I'm concerned, he's getting just what he deserves."

"Never-the-less, you're suppose to play the role of Akane. If you don't do what Akane would do, then my sister might have a relapse. We don't want that, do we?"

Ranma sighed and stood up. "This movie was getting really good, too," she grumbled.

The black bundle of fury came flying back into the room. Akane came running in after it. Ranma snagged P-Chan and cradled him, shielding him from Akane's wrath.

"Leave him alone, Ranma!" she yelled. "And -- geez! -- go put some clothes on!"

"Akane, I told you to butt out!" Akane said.

"Ranma, you are NOT hurting my poor, defenseless P-Chan, and that is final! Go find someone else to beat up!" Ranma glanced down at P-Chan, who was whimpering and looking quite confused. Ranma rolled her eyes. "Geez, this is truly pathetic," she muttered under her breath.

Akane folded her arms beneath her breasts. "Fine. If you're going to be that way, I'll just have to deal with him later." She marched back to the bathing room.

"I'm going to my room," Ranma said. "I got a few things to explain to darling little P-Chan here."

"Just remember," Nabiki said, "your room is the one at the end of the hallway, with 'Akane' on the door."

"Oh. Yeah, that's right. Thanks."

XXX

Behind the door to Akane's room, a certain pig was getting a full explanation of the current situation in the Tendo household.

"Look," Ranma said, "I know it don't make sense, but what in my life ever makes sense? For now, this is the way it is. Akane thinks she's me, and so I have to pretend I'm her. Otherwise, it messes with her head."

The pig stared intently at Ranma, anger burning in its eyes.

"I know what you're thinking," Ranma said. "This is all my fault. Right? Well, okay, it sorta is. But Doctor Tofu made it clear, anything that contradicts Akane's current view of how things are could really mess her up, maybe even permanently. So until this is over, you gotta act like I'm Akane, got it? And act like she's Ranma. Got it?"

The pig glared at her.

"That means no attacking me. Got it?"

The pig glared at her.

"Remember, this is for Akane's sake. We want her to return to normal, don't we?"

P-Chan nodded somberly.

"Okay," Ranma said. "As long as we got that figured out. Hopefully Akane will wake up tomorrow all better, but in the meantime... geez. I guess that means you spend the night here, just like you would if I were Akane. Not like you've got anyplace else to go, or could reliably get there if you did." Ranma glanced about the room. "I've never slept in an actual bed before. This is gonna be weird."

She studied the room again. "Well, if I gotta be Akane then I guess I gotta wear her pajamas. What a pain." She paused to glare at the pig. "That means you don't look while I change. Not that I really care, but you gotta treat me like Akane, and I know you don't watch when Akane changes. Right?" She leaned in closer, glaring balefully at the pig. "RIGHT?"

The pig nodded his head vigorously in agreement, then turned to face the wall.

"Good." Ranma said. She quickly changed, then climbed into bed.

"One more thing," she said. "You can sleep in my bed, but I'm not cuddling you. Got it?"

P-Chan nodded his head vigorously. Being cuddled by his rival, even when Ranma was a girl and he was a pig, was clearly a thing to be avoided.

XXX

In the morning, Ranma was awakened by the shouts and bellows of two people fighting just outside. She rolled over, and promptly fell out of bed.

"Ow," she mumbled. She lay there a moment later, then stood up. P-Chan was sitting up on the bed, wide awake, watching her.

"Ranma! You fight like a girl!"

"Shut up, old man! Let's see you handle _this_."

Ranma glanced out the window, just in time to see Akane and Genma bounce across the yard. The strange thing was, Akane was on the offensive, and Genma was backing away. Ranma blinked, but the two had already moved to the other side of the house.

"What gives?" Ranma wondered sleepily. "No way Akane can handle my pop normally. Is he going easy on her, I wonder?"

There was a loud splash, followed by the inarticulate complaint of a soaking wet panda. Ranma turned away from the window.

"Weird. Well, I guess I won't be sparring with pops today." She looked about the room. "So, what does Akane do in the morning?" She looked at the pig, who looked back at her, wide-eyed. Ranma snapped her fingers. "She likes to go jogging, right? And maybe smash some bricks afterwards..."

The pig nodded his head vigorously in approval.

"Right," Ranma said. "Now, I just gotta find a good jogging outfit..."

A few minutes later, dressed in running shoes, shorts, and a long-sleeved sweatshirt, Ranma bounced down the stairs. She met Nabiki at the bottom.

"Morning, Sis," Nabiki said. "Going jogging?"

Ranma nodded her head. "It's how Ak -- how I usually work out in the morning. Right?"

"That's right," Nabiki said. "Just make sure you get back in time to get ready for school. Girls take longer to get dressed, you know."

Ranma stopped short. "School?"

"Yes, school," Nabiki said. "Specifically, Furinkhan High. You know, held in a big building with a lot of other kids, where teachers make you learn things? Oh, by the way, try to not fall asleep in class. Akane never does that."

"But I can't go to school!" Ranma exclaimed.

"Sure you can," Nabiki said. "It's Monday, right? You go to school every week, Monday through Friday. Remember?"

"But Akane hasn't recovered yet! She still thinks she's me!"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Yes? And? Doctor Tofu _did_ tell us this might take a few days."

"But... Nabiki!" Ranma sputtered. "Look, actin' like Akane around the house is one thing, but I can't attend class as Akane! Everyone's gonna laugh at me! And they're not gonna know about pretendin' Akane is me either!"

"Oh Ranma, you needn't worry about that," Kasumi called out from the kitchen. "Father and Doctor Tofu have already explained the situation to the Principal at school. He promised to brief the entire school before you two arrive, so that everyone knows how to act. You have nothing to worry about!"

"Principal _Kuno_?" Ranma exclaimed. "_That_ nutcase promised to help? Does Mr. Tendo..."

"Daddy," Nabiki interjected.

"...Does _Father_ understand what a fruit loop our principal is?"

"The Principal seemed to understand the situation, and even sympathize," Nabiki said. "He said his brother suffered from delusions, so he understood completely."

"His brother?" Ranma exclaimed. "How about his whole freakin' family?"

"Oh, Ranma, don't worry about it," Kasumi said. "The Principal gave his word. Everything should work out just fine!"

XXX

Breakfast was an interesting affair. While Ranma, dressed in Akane's uniform, knelt demurely at one end of the table, Akane sat at the other end of the table, still dressed like Ranma, and eating just like Ranma normally did. Food flew left and right as she fought, chopstick to chopstick, with Genma Saotome. Somehow, nothing ever hit the floor; all the food found it's way to Genma's or Akane's mouth.

The sight of Akane shoveling down food voraciously was so unnerving that for once Ranma had no trouble eating like a normal human being. In truth, she was more than a little disgusted by Akane's barbaric display. She'd never actually _watched_ herself eat breakfast before.

Afterwards, she grabbed her book bag and a bento lunch from Kasumi and headed out to the street. She still wasn't thrilled about attending school as Akane, and didn't believe for one second that Principal Kuno would have everything under control. But she had no choice but to go to school and see how bad things really went.

Akane dashed out after Ranma. She immediately leapt up and began running along the top of the fence, as Ranma paralleled her in the street. Ranma's eyes bugged out.

"Since when do you know how to do _that_?" she exclaimed.

"Do what?" Akane asked.

"Run along the fence top!"

"Since always," Akane said. "I do this every day, Akane. You know that."

Ranma frowned as she ran. Something definitely weird was going on. It was one thing to _think_ you were Ranma Saotome, and to _act_ like Ranma Saotome. It was another thing altogether to display martial arts skills that Ranma Saotome had, but that you certainly _didn't_ have.

Well, there were a lot of things about the human brain that science hadn't figured out yet. Ranma knew that to be true. So maybe it wasn't so hard to believe that Akane, who thought she was Ranma, could actually do some of the things he did. She'd watched him enough, after all, and she was a trained martial artist. It wasn't inconceivable that she'd absorbed _some_ of his skills, at least on a subconscious level.

Ranma thought back to Akane's battle with Genma this morning, and to her punching Ryoga out the night before. It made sense -- the delusion that she was Ranma must have increased her fighting abilities somehow. Not that she was on Ranma's level, of course -- not even close -- but she was much better than normal.

A girl on a bicycle dropped out of the sky and onto Akane, knocking her from the fence to the pavement. "Airen!" Shampoo exclaimed. "You go on date with Shampoo tonight, yes?"

"Shampoo!" Akane growled. She tossed the bike aside and got up, then her demeanor changed. "Oh! Shampoo! Of _course_ I'll go on a date with you!" Leaping forward, Akane threw her arms about Shampoo, hugging her tightly. She began fondling one of the Amazon's breasts.

"Hey!" Ranma growled. "What the heck do you think you're doin'?"

"Oh, you know me," Akane said. "Just getting cozy with one of my many fiancees. Why, does it bother you?"

"A-a-airen?" Shampoo stammered, trying to extricate herself. She glanced at Ranma. "What Akane do? What going on?"

Ranma shrugged. "Not my problem," she said, and continued on towards school.

"Don't worry about Akane," Akane said. "She's just jealous, that's all. Now how about you give me a kiss...?"

Ranma's eyes grew wide. Her face flushed red. "Oh man!" she muttered under her breath. Without looking back, she began to run. Behind her, a high-pitched scream echoed down the street, followed my a loud _thump._

Ranma didn't stop running until she got to school. Briefly, her progress was impeded by Tatewaki Kuno, dressed in his usual kendo outfit. The exchange was brief.

"Ah! My beauteous Akane Tendo! Say that you will date with me!"

Ranma landed a flying kick to Kuno's face. "I ain't got time for this, Kuno!" she yelled. She landed in stride and continued on into the school.

Just inside the doorway stood Kuno's father, the principal. He wore his usual Hawaiian shirt, loose slacks, and sandals, had a ukulele in his hand. The usual palm tree sprouted from his head.

"Miss Tendo, yes?" he exclaimed.

Ranma came to a stop. "Yeah? What is it?"

The principal adjusted his sunglasses. "De Big Kahuna, he very impressed. You even _look_ like de Miss Tendo keiki."

"That's the idea," Ranma said guardedly.

"Good thing you is de girl keiki right now, no?" the principal said. "Well, you don't be worrying 'bout nothin'. Dis Kahuna got it all sorted out. All de keikis in de school, dey been told dat you is de Miss Tendo keiki, and she is de Ranma keiki. Nobody be givin' you no problems!"

"Uh... thanks," Ranma said. The principal grinned like an idiot, and Ranma headed off to class.

"Good morning, Akane!" a girl in the hallway called out.

"Uh... morning!" Ranma replied.

"Good day Akane!"

"Hello, Akane!"

"Morning Akane!"

Ranma returned each greeting, feeling progressively weirder and weirder. As she neared the classroom, another girl fell into step with her.

"Hey, Akane, how's it going?"

"Morning, Sayuri," Ranma replied, recognizing one of Akane's close friends. "Uh... I'm doing okay, I guess."

"So, is it true?" Sayuri whispered under her breath.

"That Akane and I are switching places? Hai," Ranma replied.

Sayuri gave Ranma in impenetrable stare. "And you gave in, just like that? I never thought I'd see the day."

Ranma's face flushed red. "Hey, it's not like I wanted to! But I gave my word..."

The two entered the classroom and separated. Ranma took her seat. Moments later Akane strolled in and flopped down in a nearby seat.

"Yo," she said. "Why'd you go and leave me with Shampoo like that?"

Ranma rolled her eyes. "You looked like you were having fun," she said. "Anyway, it's none of my concern. If you want to grope Shampoo then go ahead."

Akane raised an eyebrow. "Feeling jealous?" she asked.

"Whatever," Ranma said.

Akane frowned, then got up and wandered across the room. Hiroshi and Daisuke approached Ranma.

"Hey, Akane," the two said.

"Hey guys," Ranma said.

"So," Hiroshi said, "is it true?"

"Is what true? That I'm switching places with Akane?"

"Well _obviously_ that part's true," Daisuke said.

"No, we mean the part where the principal defeated you in battle and cut off your pigtail?"

"Yeah," Daisuke said. "I never thought I'd see the day that Ranma Saotome lost to that freak."

"What?" Ranma sat up. "What the heck are you two talking about?"

Hiroshi and Daisuke started at Ranma for a long moment. "You mean you _didn't_ lose a fight with him?"

"No!" Ranma growled. "Let's get one thing straight: I've never _ever_ lost no fight to that joke of a principal!"

The two boys exchanged looks.

"Then why are you dressed like Akane?" Hiroshi asked.

"Yeah," the other said. "Principal Kuno said it was the conditions he imposed after you lost to him."

"He said what?" Ranma gripped the edge of the desk hard enough to make it crack and buckle. "That no-good lying freak... 'don't be worrying about nothing', he says... 'all sorted out', he says... why, when I get my hands on him..."

"Then why are you pretending to be Akane?" Hiroshi asked.

Ranma quickly explained. The two glanced across the room at Akane.

"She really believes she's you, huh?" Hiroshi asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So that's it," Daisuke said. "I _thought_ her 'Ranma act' was good."

"Yeah," Hiroshi added. "She's got you down cold."

"An Oscar-worthy performance," Daisuke agreed.

"Whereas, your performance as Akane..."

"I mean, no offense," Daisuke said. "You _look_ an awful lot like Akane..."

"Yeah," Hiroshi said. "You look really good. You got the whole Akane look down."

"But," Daisuke said, "you still don't really act like a girl, you know."

"Not a normal girl anyway," Hiroshi agreed.

"You should watch the other girls more. Act more like them."

"More ladylike. And you need to talk like a girl, too."

Ranma shrugged. "I'm not trying to win any actin' awards," she said. "As long as Akane is fooled, I'm good."

The doors to the classroom burst open, and Tatewaki Kuno rushed into the room, bokken in hand. "What now?" Ranma muttered.

"Never! Never will I allow it!" Kuno bellowed. "The vile sorcerer Saotome, disguised as my beauteous Akane? It cannot be!"

"Oh, man." Ranma slapped a hand over her face. "I shoulda known this idiot would cause trouble..."

Kuno spotted her. His eyes lit up. "Ah! My beautiful Akane Tendo! I see that the foul Saotome has not reached you yet!" Kuno landed on one knee before Ranma, grasping her hands in his. "Tell me that you will have nothing to do with this foul plan of his! The very idea...!"

"Hey, Kuno," Ranma said, pulling her hands free. "Maybe you should take this up with the foul sorcerer?"

"Yes!" Kuno said, standing up. "Fear not, dear Akane! I will thrash that vile dog within an inch of his life! Where is the wretched cur?"

From across the room, Akane said, "You got a problem, Kuno?"

"Ah! Noble Pig-Tailed Girl!" Kuno dashed across the room.

"Man," Hiroshi said. "He doesn't recognize either of you, does he?"

"I thought he had pictures of you two plastered on the walls of his room?" Daisuke said.

"Urg... don't remind me," Ranma said. "It turns my stomach just thinking about that."

Apparently fed up with Kuno's ranting, Akane delivered a kick that sent the upper-classman flying through the window. The other students watched as Kuno sailed over the school grounds.

"Nice follow-through," Daisuke said.

"Yeah... that was a Ranma kick if I ever saw one," Hiroshi added. "I'm telling you, she's got Ranma down cold."

XXX

Afterwards, things settled down for a couple of periods. People continued to refer to Akane as Ranma and Ranma as Akane... under threat of buzzcuts and/or bowlcuts, Ranma learned. The principal had achieved the desired results, but his methods and explanations of the situation left a lot to be desired. Ranma spent much of the morning setting people straight on what was really going on.

But people accepted her as Akane, and Akane as her. When you thought about it, it was not really stranger than anything else that happened at this school.

Ranma was excited to get her first ever A+ on a test... until she was reminded that it was really _Akane_ who had received that score. This caused Ranma to reflect that, as Akane, she was likely to continue to get Ranma-like scores, whereas Akane, convinced she was Ranma, would probably also achieve Ranma-like scores. It didn't seem like a fair exchange, somehow. If she had to pretend to be Akane, you'd think that a few good test scores would be the least she could expect in return.

Maybe, after this was over, she could convince Nabiki to pose as her for a while.

Ranma considered that, and then considered the exorbitant price a favor of that magnitude might cost. No, she realized, that was a _bad_ idea. Bad!

It wasn't until third period that the next event happened. Ranma had been expecting something for most of the period, and so considered it long overdue. She'd actually done homework while waiting for the next big commotion.

It came in the form of a series of girlish screams from the hallway, followed by "Hotcha!" and "What a haul! What a haul!"

Ranma sighed and stood. Well, a confrontation with the hentai freak was better than schoolwork any day. She readied herself.

The door flew open. A familiar old man bounded in with a bag of women's underwear over his shoulder. Almost immediately, a foot landed on his head, driving him to the floor and pinning him there.

"Ranma!" the aged martial artist exclaimed, looking up. "How dare you interfere with a lonely old man's only fun in life?"

Ranma flinched. Happosai was still across the room from her. The person pinning him under her foot was _Akane_.

_Now_ Ranma was starting to worry. Fighting her old man was one thing. So was walking along a fence top. But catching Happosai off guard?

The tiny martial artist produced a small, round bomb. There was an explosion. Smoke filled the room, along with the cries of all the girls and the laughter of the greatest pervert in Nerima.

Ranma's skirt flew up, and even she gave an involuntary scream. Moments later came a much louder scream -- a horrifying sound tinged with abject terror, as if someone were facing their ultimate nightmare.

The smoke cleared. Happosai lay on the floor in the middle of the room, apparently unconscious.

"Whoa!"

"What happened?"

"Someone knocked him out?"

"He's out cold!"

"And no wonder!" Daisuke added. "Look!"

Everyone looked. Clutched tightly in Happosai's hands was a pair of cotton boy's boxer briefs. They were yellow with blue trim.

Everyone turned their gaze to Ranma. "Yours?" Sayuri asked.

Ranma's hands went to her rear. She blushed with the realization that she was sans underwear.

"Why, that perverted little freak..." she began.

At that moment, Akane's fist slammed into the master's head, placing him in a hopefully more permanent state of unconsciousness. "Take that, you freak!" she growled. She lifted Happosai up from the floor, and examined what he still clutched in his hands.

"Akane," she said, "Why were you wearing my boxer shorts?"

"Um... no reason?" Ranma replied.

XXX

Between classes, Sayuri led Ranma to Akane's locker, then did the combination for her. She reached in and pulled out a small bundle of white cloth.

"I'm only helping you because Akane would want me to," Sayuri said, "and because, for Akane's sake, you need to be as convincing an Akane as possible. Got it?"

"Yeah, sure," Ranma said. "I know you don't like me that much."

"It's not that, it's just... well, nevermind. Here," she said, handing the item to Ranma. "Put these on. In the girl's bathroom, mind you. I'll make sure nobody else is in there first, and I'll watch the door until you're done."

"What's this?" Ranma asked, holding the item up.

"Panties, of course," Sayuri said. "They're Akane's."

"No thanks," Ranma said, handing them back.

Anger flashed in Sayuri's eyes. "Ranma, you moron!"

"Akane."

"Whatever! Do you want to walk around _naked_ under your dress, all afternoon? Akane would never dream of such a thing! Suppose your skirt gets blown up by a gust of wind, and everyone sees?"

Ranma's face flushed red. "I... um... but... don't you think that's kind of weird, if I wear her underwear?"

Sayuri looked away. "I don't want to think about it," she said. "The fact that you turn into a girl is weird enough. You're female, and you're pretending to be Akane. Right? So just go do it already. It's certainly not more hentai than walking around half-naked."

"But I don't get it. Why does Akane keep underwear in her locker?"

"You know," Sayuri replied. "Just in case."

"In case what?"

"For emergencies," Sayuri said. Her face was turning red.

"What emergencies?" Ranma asked.

"For someone who's a girl so much of the time, you sure are dense," Sayuri replied. She pushed Ranma down the hallway towards the girl's toilet room. "Just get in there and put them on, and stop asking stupid questions!"

"But..."

"Look," Sayuri said, "If nothing else, it's handy for situations like this, when that wrinkled old lecher steals your underwear right off of your body."

"Ah," Ranma said. "I never actually realized the old pervert could do that. That must take incredible skill..."

"Keep wearing dresses to school, and you'll soon get used to it," Sayuri said sourly.

Sayuri scoped out the bathroom, then guarded the door. Moments later, Ranma emerged, presumably with a more modest derriere.

"Okay," Ranma said. "I'm done. Happy now?"

Sayuri studied Ranma critically. "Not really," she said. "Are you wearing a bra?"

"Uh..." Ranma said.

"That was a rhetorical question," she continued. "You do realize, don't you, that the entire student body can see that you _aren't_ wearing one?"

Ranma glanced down. "I... ah... is it that obvious?" Then she shrugged. "Not that I really care..."

Sayuri sighed heavily. "Ranma..."

"Akane."

"Akane I mean... do you want the entire male population of the school drooling over you?"

"They do that no matter what," Ranma said.

"Well it doesn't help to encourage them! What kind of a girl are you anyway?"

Ranma shrugged, then place her hands behind her head. "One who's really a guy?"

"Except right now," Sayuri said. "And put your arms down! Look, f you're going to be Akane, then you absolutely _must_ wear the appropriate clothing. Akane _never_ attends school bra-less! No respectable girl _would_."

"But I hate 'em," Ranma said. "They're completely uncomfortable, a real pain. I don't know how you girls put up with 'em."

Sayuri stopped and looked Ranma up and down. A light went on in her eyes. "Let me guess. You don't _own_ your own bras, do you?"

"Of course not! I'm a guy!"

"That's not even the question here," Sayuri said. "You can call yourself whatever you like, Ranma, but the fact is that about 30 of the time you have _breasts_. Rather large ones, in fact."

"So? Guys don't wear bras, Sayuri."

"Ranma! Most guys don't have to worry about their breasts sagging!"

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Sayuri. And it's Akane, remember?"

"Don't change the subject! Letting your breasts bounce all over the place and poke through your shirt all the time -- well, trust me, it's not a good idea. You really need at least one or two bras of your own for when you're a girl. Has this subject really _never_ come up before? I would've thought that Kasumi, at least, would have talked to you about it..."

Ranma stared at the ceiling. "Well... I did get one on a shopping trip with my mom... she thought I was cousin Ranko you know... but I don't know what happened to it."

"It's not in your room somewhere?"

"Nah. It was, but then it vanished."

Sayuri sighed. "Probably the pervert took it."

Ranma blinked. "Hmm... yeah, I bet you're right." She shivered. "Man, him stealing _my_ underwear... that creeps me out."

"Get used to it. Anyway, Akane's bras aren't going to fit you," Sayuri said. "You're bigger than her, aren't you? No wonder you think bras are uncomfortable. We just need to get some that actually fit you, that's all."

"What?"

"Simple," Sayuri said. "After school, we're going shopping."

"What? No way...!"

"I didn't offer you a choice," Sayuri said. "You, me, Yuka, whoever else wants to come. Anyway, it's something Akane would do, and you're Akane, right? Now, come on!"

Ranma followed Sayuri down the hallway. "What now?"

"P.E. of course. If we don't hurry, we're gonna be late." She saw Ranma hesitate, and added, "You are _not_ going to change or even _enter_ the locker room until the other girls are done, is that clear?"

"Uh... gotcha," Ranma replied.

As the two passed the hallway that led to the boy's locker room, Akane bumped into them. She was already dressed in a boy's shirt and shorts -- Ranma's P.E. outfit. "Whoa!" she exclaimed, dodging around the two. "Hey, don't be late, Akane!" She ran out towards the playing field.

Ranma and Sayuri paused. They looked back down the hallway, where a half-dozen boys were standing just outside the doorway to the boy's locker.

"Please tell me Akane didn't just change in the boy's locker room," Sayuri said.

"I could," Hiroshi replied. "But I'd be lying."

He had a dazed, happy look on his face, as did the other boys.

"I think I'm in heaven," Daisuke said. "Kill me now! I've seen paradise!"

Ranma placed her hand over her face. "Oh, great. And when Akane finds out later, she's going to blame it all on me."

Sayuri glared daggers at Ranma. "Well, it _is_ your fault," she said. "You're the one the hit her, right?"

"She's just acting like you, you know," Hiroshi said. "If you weren't such an exhibitionist, then she wouldn't be flashing every guy in school..."

"I'm dead," Ranma said. "When this is all over, I'm gonna be toast."

"You got that right."

"Definitely. Sorry, man," Daisuke said.

Hiroshi added, "We'll be at your funeral though. Promise."

XXX

Lunch found Ukyo in a particularly unhappy mood. Normally she loved stuffing Ranma's face with okonomiyaki, but today the Ranma in question was really Akane Tendo, her chief rival in the pursuit of Ranma's affections. Watching Akane shovel down one okonomiyaki after another was annoying and more than a little disgusting. If anything, Akane's version of Ranchan was an even more voracious and sloppy eater than the original.

Ukyo understood the situation perfectly. She wasn't above feeling sorry for Akane and hoping that she recovered her memories soon -- oh ancestors please, as soon as possible! -- but she could still be annoyed by the situation.

When Akane snuggled up to Ukyo and placed an arm about her shoulders, it was all Ukyo could do to not scream and pound her mentally mixed-up rival into the ground. If only _Ranma_ would act that way! Now _that_ Ukyo could deal with!

The wind ruffled the grass and blew through the trees. Okonomiyaki sizzled on the grill. Bees buzzed nearby, attracted by the wonderful smell of frying batter. Distant voices echoed, indistinctly, from the lower soccer field, where some students were using their lunch time for an impromptu game.

Ukyo grimaced. She expertly set another two okonomiyaki in front of Akane. A third went to Ranma, who sat nearby. Ranma was eating carefully, almost daintily, demonstrating a level of self-control that Ukyo frankly hadn't realized her fiancee possessed.

"You're being awfully nice to Akane today," Akane said.

"You got no idea, Sugar," Ukyo replied dryly.

Akane continued to shovel food in her mouth. Several minutes later, apparently sated, Akane stood.

"Leaving so soon?" Ukyo asked.

"Hey," Akane said, "just because I eat your food don't mean I gotta sit around and talk to ya. Later!" She headed across the school grounds.

Ukyo glared at Ranma. "Sugar, I hate to say this, but she's almost worse than you."

"Almost?" Ranma shot back. "What do you mean, almost? I'm never that rude!"

"Not quite that rude, I'll admit," Ukyo said. "She just better get her memories back soon. It's only been a few hours, and it's all I can do to keep from strangling her."

"You ain't kidding," Ranma said. "If I have to keep this charade up much longer, I think my head's gonna explode."

"Well, I wish I could help you out somehow," Ukyo said.

"Hey, I know!" Ranma said, snapping her fingers. "You can switch places with me! It'd be perfect! You'd make a better Akane than me, since you're really a girl, and meanwhile I could dress like a guy and nobody would care..."

Ukyo frowned. "No. Don't even think about it, Ranchan."

"Aw, come on! If _I_ can be Akane, then _you_ certainly can! And as for me pretending to be you..."

"First off, you'd drive away all of my customers," Ukyo said. "No thanks."

"What do you mean? I'm a good cook!"

"Sugar, you're not bad," Ukyo said, "but you don't have my skill. Anyway, I'd love to help but I'm not about to get involved in your weird little impersonation games. Sorry."

Ranma sighed. "Well," Ukyo said, "look on the bright side, _Akane_. Things can't get much worse, can they?"

"Ranma Saotome, you coward! Come out and fight me!"

Ranma flinched. Ukyo said, "That was Mousse, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Ranma said. "Things just got worse."

The two ran across the field where a crowd was gathering. Mousse, his glasses shoved up on his forehead, confronted a nonchalant Akane.

"Yo, Mousse!" Akane said. "What's up?"

"What's up? What's up? You fondled my Shampoo this morning, that's what's up! You placed your hands on her breast! Don't deny it!"

"Why would I deny it?" Akane said. Murmurs and shocked gasps broke out through the crowd. Ranma put her hand to her face.

"That idiot! She's going to _ruin_ my reputation!"

"It's not like you had much of one to begin with," Ukyo replied. "Anyway, you're not doing a lot for hers either, are you?"

"You lecher!" Mousse yelled. "It's not enough that you have the Tendo woman and the Kuonji woman to be intimate with! You expect to defile my precious Shampoo as well? I won't stand for it!"

"She's my fiancee, not yours," Akane said. "I'll do with her as I wish."

"Never!"

"Oh yeah? What ya gonna do about it, Duck Boy?"

For a moment Mousse looked as if he would physically explode. Instead, he stepped forward and pointed his finger at Akane in a dramatic pose. "Ranma Saotome, I challenge you to a duel!"

"That, again?" Akane asked. She casually studied her fingernails. "Well, whatever. I'll take you down anytime, anywhere, Mousse. Just name it."

"Tomorrow," Mousse said. "After school, in the lower field."

"Fine," Akane said. "I'll be there."

XXX

"So what are you going to do about Mousse?"

As promised, Ranma had gone bra-shopping with Sayuri and Yuka after school. Yuka had at first rejected the idea, but later the both of them had decided to have as much fun embarrassing Ranma as they could. After nearly two hours of trying on various underthings, the other two had declared the shopping trip a success, and the three girls had retired to an ice cream shop, much to Ranma's relief. At least _that_ part of the after-school excursion wasn't a waste of time, in her opinion.

Ranma grimaced at the question and instead concentrated on the massive ice cream sundae in front of her. Nearby were several shopping bags with things nestled deep inside which she also didn't want to think about. At least she hadn't paid for them, although she had promised to pay Sayuri back later. Which hardly seemed fair, since a couple of items she'd been cajoled into buying were completely impractical -- underwear that even Akane would never wear, let alone Ranma.

The most annoying part was that, when it came to lingerie, more lace and spaghetti straps and lack of actual fabric somehow meant a higher price tag. In other words, the things Ranma had the least use for cost her the most.

Well, hopefully some of it would fit Nabiki.

At the moment Ranma wore one of the more practical items beneath her top, and she had to admit, not only was it not uncomfortable, it actually felt nice, having her breasts held in place and not bouncing around. Maybe a bra wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"I have no idea," Ranma finally said.

"But Ranma," Yuka said.

"Akane," Sayuri added.

Yuka paused. "Do I have to call him that even when we're not at school?"

"Better get used to it," Sayuri said. "You don't want to call him the wrong name in front of Akane. And don't call him 'him'."

"But you just did it," Yuka said. She paused, and shrugged her shoulders. "This is all too confusing. Anyway, _Akane_, Mousse has no idea that he challenged Akane -- the real Akane I mean -- instead of you."

"Akane can't fight him," Ranma said. "That much I can guarantee. So... we just need a way for me to fight him without her knowing about it..."

"How are you going to do that? Knock her out?"

A sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's forehead. "If I do that, Mr. Tendo will kill me!" she exclaimed.

"Well, you can't let Akane and Mousse fight," Sayuri said, "so you'd better think of something."

"Maybe Akane's delusion will wear off overnight."

"You can't go on hoping things will get better," Sayuri said. "You need to have a plan in case things _don't_ return to normal."

Ranma sighed. Her head slumped to the table.

"I just hope this gets fixed soon," she said. "I can't stand much more of this. Wearing girl's clothes, shopping for girl's underwear, sleeping in Akane's bed... it's creeping me out."

Sayuri slammed her fist onto the table.

"Dammit, Ranma!" she yelled.

"Akane," Yuka corrected her, but was ignored by Sayuri.

"You never change, do you?" Sayuri continued. "My best friend Akane is so confused that she thinks she's _you_, and all you can do is complain about your own problems? What about Akane? She's your _fiancee_, you know! Aren't you concerned about her at all?"

"She's right, you know," Yuka said. "You should be worried about Akane, not wallowing in your own self-pity."

"Of course I'm concerned!" Ranma snapped. She sighed and looked away. "Look, Sayuri, Yuka, I'm sorry if I sound self-centered... I guess I am a lotta the time. But I miss Akane as much as you do, you know. I'd do anything to make her better! You gotta believe that!"

"I... I do believe that," Sayuri said. She frowned. "I... I was never happy with you being engaged to Akane. You probably know that, don't you? I mean, you're egotistic, you're arrogant, you're thoughtless, you're a jerk..."

"Hey!"

"Not to mention a total pervert," Yuka added.

"Hey! I am _not_ a pervert!"

"...and I thought Akane could do a lot better than you," Sayuri said. "But I've come to realize that you're a pretty special guy, in your own way. I mean, you act as if the world revolves around you... but then, you always seem to live up to that billing, if that makes any sense."

Yuka spoke up. "What Sayuri means is, whenever Akane _really_ needs you, you're always there for her."

"Which is more than we could say for most guys," Sayuri added.

"So we know you really do care for her, Ranma."

"Even if you are kind of a macho idiot who also likes women's clothing," Sayuri said.

"I don't _like_ dressing like this!" Ranma growled.

"Oh, it's not so bad," Yuka said. "In fact, if I were Akane I'd have more fun with you. Just think, a boyfriend who can also be your best girlfriend... who can go lingerie shopping with you, for example..."

Both girls giggled uncontrollably. Ranma rolled her eyes. "Are we done here? I only came because I'm supposed to be Akane right now, remember?"

"Yuka's just teasing you," Sayuri said. "You know we only invited you because you're supposed to be Akane. It's not like we _want_ to hang out with you..."

XXX

Akane's two girlfriends walked with Ranma back to the Tendo Dojo. They threatened to follow Ranma up to Akane's room and force her to model her new lingerie again, but it was late and they both decided to head home.

"See you tomorrow, _girl_friend!" Sayuri called out. Both girls erupted into another fit of giggles as they walked away.

Ranma sighed and headed into the house. Kasumi stuck her head out of the kitchen. "Oh! Akane?"

"Uh... yes, Oneechan?"

"Could you help me with dinner tonight?"

"Of course," Ranma said. She ran upstairs and stashed her packages, then headed to the kitchen.

"How did school go today?" Kasumi asked.

"Okay, I suppose," Ranma said. She donned an apron and began slicing vegetables as Kasumi had asked.

"The Principal kept his promise, then? Everyone knew how to act?"

"Well," Ranma said, "not exactly. He told everyone that he'd defeated me and cut off my pigtail, and as punishment I had to trade places with Akane."

"Oh, my!"

"...and if anyone failed to call me Akane, or Akane, Ranma, he threatened to give them a buzz cut or bowl cut."

"What an odd man he is," Kasumi said.

"Aside from that, Happosai stole all the girl's underwear, 'Ranma' molested Shampoo and Ukyo, and then Mousse challenged her to a duel, which she accepted."

"Well! That sounds like a very eventful day!"

"Uh... yeah," Ranma said, "and that's just what happened through lunch. Gym class was especially interesting. 'Ranma' changed in the boy's locker room..."

"Oh! _Ranma-chan_? Oh my! Not with the other boys present, I hope!"

"Yes, with the other boys present," Ranma said. "Hiroshi and Daisuke were especially ecstatic about that part, and I heard Gosunkugi had to be taken to the nurse's office..."

"Oh, my!" Kasumi's cheeks flushed red. "Oh my! Oh my!"

"You can stop saying 'oh my' now."

"Oh! But I can't stop myself! Just the thought of it... Oh my!"

"But I guess she did okay," Ranma said. "The guys said it was just like having me there. She didn't hurt her team at all. Which is strange because, you know, she's good at sports and all of that -- she_ is_ a tomboy, after all -- but she's not as good as me.

"In fact, I was so much better at softball that a couple of the girls suggested I stay a girl, at least during P.E.. They said that with Akane and I on the same team, we'd be unstoppable in inter-league play."

"Well, that was very nice of them! Will you do that, then?"

"What?" Ranma said. "Of course not! I don't care about softball or other girl's sports for that matter, and I ain't a girl. Anyway, could you imagine Akane's reaction?"

"Hmm. Yes, I guess that would be a problem," Kasumi said. "So, was that Yuka and Sayuri I saw you with?"

"Uh... yeah. They, um. took me shopping after school."

"How fun! What did you buy?"

"Um... you know... just some clothing..."

"I see! Is it something cute, then? Maybe you can model it for the whole family later."

"That wouldn't be such a good idea," Ranma said under her breath, hoping that the conversation would just die. After several moments without another question from Kasumi, she breathed a sigh of relief, and turned her attention to her stir-fry preparations.

In her heart of hearts, Ranma knew that cooking was for girls. The only guys that excelled at cooking were the type who wore goofy chef's hats and who were clearly less than manly men. But after years of eating food cooked over a fire by a father who's greatest culinary skill was to make food mostly edible, Ranma was secretly pleased that she had real cooking talent. Unlike Akane, her results were not only edible but quite tasty.

The best part of being a good cook was eating what you made. That part Ranma and her voracious appetite could easily appreciate. Just thinking about the stir fry she was about to create made her mouth water.

"GACK!"

Ranma glanced up to see someone in a red silk top and black silk pants standing in the doorway. "Oh, hello Ak..." She paused, catching herself just in time. "Hello, Ranma."

Ignoring her, Akane turned to Kasumi with a pleading look. "Please tell me _she_ isn't helping you with dinner!"

Kasumi smiled. "Yes, Akane-chan is helping me tonight. But don't worry, I'm sure everything will turn out just fine."

"But here food is toxic!"

"Oh, I don't know," Ranma said, going back to slicing vegetables. "You might be surprised, Ranma."

"Not likely! You're the worst cook in history!"

Ranma laughed. At least Akane finally saw the truth. If it took a bonk on the head and a personality switch to get Akane to recognize her woeful lack of culinary skill, then so be it. In the end, it was a good thing. Countless lives might now be spared.

"Got that right," Ranma replied. "My food's so inedible they use it to pave roads."

Akane opened her mouth, then paused. She blinked at Ranma in confusion.

"Yeah. It's so bad, you need a hazardous permit to dispose of it," Akane said, a little less certainly.

Ranma tossed some carrots into the air and deftly sliced them as they came down. They landed neatly in the wok. "That's right," she said. "I'm surprised I don't get hit with sanctions for creating weapons of mass destruction."

Akane stared at her in confusion. "A-Akane?" she asked, hesitantly.

Kasumi gazed on her younger sister with concern. Doubt was etched across Akane's face -- the same sort of doubt that had been there just before her collapse yesterday. "Oh!" Kasumi said, turning to Ranma. "You sure are acting strange today, aren't you, Akane?" She handed Ranma a bottle of linseed oil.

Ranma glanced at the bottle. "Kasumi? This is... yeooowch!"

"Oh, did I step on your foot, Akane? I'm so sorry!"

Ranma glanced at Kasumi, then back to the bottle, then to her perfect stir-fry, then back to Kasumi. Light slowly dawned in the girl's eyes. "Shit. Do I gotta?"

"Akane, such language! And yes, you do."

Ranma sighed, then turned and began to pour linseed oil into the wok.

XXX

"Man, you should have seen it," Akane said. "Fwoosh! One giant fireball! She nearly took out the whole kitchen!"

It was not the best dinner Ranma had ever had. In fact, it was one of the most annoying. Watching Akane eat like a pig and fight the stupid panda for food was bad enough, but Akane couldn't stop talking about what a horrible cook Akane was.

It would have been funny if she meant the _real_ Akane. But she was talking about Ranma's contrived kitchen disaster. It bugged Ranma to no end that she had to _pretend_ to be a bad cook, and then have her identity-confused fiancee rub it in.

"We're just lucky we're not a disaster area right now," Akane continued. "There could have been a giant crater here, instead of a house and dojo. We could have all been killed. We could have been blown into orbit!"

"Okay, okay, you made your point," Ranma finally said. "Can we change the subject?"

Nabiki was quietly laughing at both of them. Soun Tendo was nodding his head as he glanced over his newspaper. Kasumi acted as if nothing was wrong, and Genma wasn't even _aware_ of what was going on. In fact, lately Genma seemed to have almost forgotten that Akane was _not_ his son Ranma.

"Ranma Saotome! I'm a fixin' ta challenge you! Come out and face me, ya yellow-backed varmint!"

The bellowing voice came from the front lawn. Ranma sighed. Akane jumped to her feet.

"What now?" they asked in unison.

Genma also leapt to his feet. "Sounds like a challenge, boy!" he exclaimed. Ranma wasn't actually sure if that was addressed to her or to Akane.

Nabiki glanced from Akane to Ranma. "Well, this should be interesting," she said.

The whole household filed out onto the lawn. Waiting for them there was a young man in full cowboy getup, complete with boots, spurs, chaps, fancy western shirt, a lasso rope and a wide-brimmed white hat. He wore a huge blond handle-bar mustache, but despite this he was clearly Japanese, or at least Asian, and not Caucasian.

The group -- both Tendos and Saotomes -- stared at the stranger in confusion.

"Which one of you is Ranma Saotome?" the stranger demanded.

"I am!" Ranma and Akane said together.

The cowboy looked at one, then the other. "Well? Which is it?"

"Um..." Ranma said, glancing back at Akane. She knew that contradicting Akane's current world view might cause Akane harm, but a martial arts challenge was a different thing altogether. "I... ah..."

"I'm Ranma Saotome!" Akane growled. "Akane, stay out of my way!"

Ranma paused. It was exactly what _she_ would normally say. She glanced back at Akane.

Well, Akane would have to learn sooner or later that she really _wasn't_ Ranma. If not now, then it would be against Mousse tomorrow. Better sooner than later, Ranma reasoned.

She shrugged. "Sure thing, Ranma." She bowed to the cowboy stranger. "My mistake. I'm really Akane Tendo."

The cowboy's eyes lit up. "So _you're_ the 'Belle of Nerima!' Why, yer just as purty as everyone said!" He tipped his hat in Ranma's direction. "Pleased to make yer acquaintance, little lady!"

"Okay, this is getting a little weird," Nabiki said. "First question: what's with the whole cowboy getup?"

"Ah! Glad ya asked! Bill Laramie's the name, and lassoin's my game! Otherwise known as the Original Lone Star Outlaw Cowboy of the East! You maybe ain't heard of me before, me bein' from the states and all -- meanin' the U S of A -- but I done heard all about you." He was staring at Akane now. "Yer some kinda fierce martial artist, ain'tcha? Well, I done come all the way from Texas to try my luck against you. So, whatcha say? Gonna fight me, or what?"

"From Texas?" Kasumi said. "But doesn't he look Asian to you?"

"Wait a second," Nabiki said. "Let me get this straight. You've heard all about Ranma Saotome -- in _Texas_? I mean, I know he's pretty good -- but _Texas_?"

The cowboy tipped his hat. "Beggin' yer pardon ma'am, but you would be...?"

"Nabiki Tendo."

"Ah. Heard about you as well, little lady. You'd be the one that handles bettin' on Ranma's fights, ain't that so?"

Nabiki's eyebrow rose. "And you know this... how?"

"Weeeeell, let's jes say that I was born and raised here in Nerima, but I been livin' in Texas for the last few years, workin' on mah martial arts ropin' and brandin'..."

Nabiki got a pained look. "Martial Arts Roping and Branding?"

"As sure as coyotes piddle on the prairie, ma'am." He twirled his lasso expertly. "I happen to be the world champion."

"Amazing, I'm sure," Nabiki said flatly. She held up her hands. "Okay, this is weird, but in a strangely familiar way..."

Akane assumed a defensive crouch. "I don't care what martial arts it is," she growled. "I accept your challenge! I can take you anytime, anywhere!"

"Weee-haw!" the cowboy exclaimed. "And jest ta warn ya, son, if I win I'm gonna hog-tie you up and then brand ya. Got it?"

"Brand me?" Akane asked.

"Right on yer pretty little bottom," the cowboy replied. "Mah own personal brand. No offense intended, o'course. I do it to everyone I beat."

Soun's eyes bugged out. He started at Ranma with a desperately pleading look.

"Well ya ain't doin' it to me!" Akane exclaimed.

"Akane! You can't let Ranma fight on her own!" Soun wailed.

Ranma shrugged. "Why not? She wants to take him solo, fine by me."

Soun grabbed his faux-daughter by the shoulders. "Akane! I'm begging you!"

"Oh, okay, whatever," Ranma replied. "Father," she added.

Ranma turned and stepped forward, fists clenched. "Hey! I'm a martial artist too, you know!"

Akane yelled, "Forget it, Akane! You'll just get in my way!"

"As if!" Ranma muttered. "This whole charade is so beyond stupid it's not funny."

"Butt out, Akane! This is my fight!"

And then Akane leapt across the lawn at the 'Original Lone Star Outlaw Cowboy of the East', shouting, "Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken!" at the top of her voice.

Ranma and the others blinked. Akane's fists were a blur. The cowboy was fast -- clearly he _was_ a martial artist -- but many of Akane's blows landed. He stumbled back, stunned, while Akane landed nimbly on the lawn and assumed another defensive stance.

"Was that really..." Nabiki began.

The cowboy shook his head. "Ah, thet would be yer famous chestnut fist I done heard about." He shook his head again. "Ah kin see I'm gonna hafta git serious..."

Akane flung her hands out in a very familiar pose. "Möko Takabisha!" she yelled. A ball of fire-like chi shot from her hands. It slammed into the cowboy, driving him backwards into the wall.

The cowboy reeled. "That," he said, "would be yer famous chi blast... very impressive, son..."

He collapsed face-first into the grass.

Behind her, a stunned Ranma asked, "Um... did I just see what I just saw?"

Akane tossed her head back. "Heh. He wasn't so tough," she said. She turned, and realized that everyone was staring at her.

"What?" she asked.

"You used the chestnut fist..." Soun Tendo said, also stunned.

"...and the Möko Takabisha blast," Nabiki added, equally stunned.

"Yeah? And?" Akane replied. "What did you expect? I'm Ranma Saotome, aren't I?"

XXX

"No freakin' way!"

_SMASH!_ Bits of broken brick flew across the yard.

"Impossible!"

_CRASH!_ More brick scattered across the grass.

It was nearly sunset. Ranma was out back, working out. Dressed in Akane's yellow gi, she stepped back and wiped her brow. She surveyed the rubble in front of her. Smashing bricks with her bare hands was not something she normally did, but since Akane did it, and she was pretending to be Akane, here she was. And although it was mostly for show, Ranma had to admit that it really _was_ an effective way to let off steam and release pent-up frustrations.

"Maybe you should give it up, Ranma."

Ranma glanced up. A familiar boy leaned against a nearby wall, half-concealed in the lengthening shadows.

"Ryoga?"

The wanderer smiled, displaying his fang. "As Akane, you've got a ways to go," he said. "But you're getting there. And as for the real Akane..."

"You saw...?"

"I did," Ryoga replied. "I gotta admit, I was surprised. Akane fought like she really _was_ you. Maybe you two should just stay this way a while longer."

Ranma smashed another stack of bricks. "A lot you know!" she growled. "Akane just got lucky, that's all!"

"Lucky?" Ryoga raised an eyebrow. "She has your form and technique down almost perfectly, Ranma," he said. "It makes a certain amount of sense -- I mean, she's watched you practice; in the back of her mind she knows exactly how these things are done. Even if she can't normally do them herself, subconsciously she understands. This personality shift has allowed that knowledge to surface, and she has the training and conditioning..."

"Maybe that's true," Ranma said. "She still doesn't have my experience. She can maybe imitate me a little, but she's no match for me in a fight. Being a martial artist involves a lot more than head knowledge, as you well know."

"True," Ryoga said, "but at the rate you make enemies, it won't take her long to gain that experience. She's supposed to fight Mousse tomorrow, right? The longer this goes on, the more comfortable she'll be in her role as Ranma, and the better she'll become. Eventually she _will_ be as good as you, Ranma."

"As if!"

"Not only that," Ryoga said, "if you're not fighting every day like you used to, your skills aren't going to improve. They might even diminish. Given enough time, Akane will not only grow to be more like you, but you will become more like Akane."

"Watch it! I can still pound you into the ground, you know!"

"Maybe," Ryoga said, "but I don't fight girls, _Akane_." He leapt to the top of the wall, then turned and grinned. "By the way, I meant to say this earlier... but that haircut makes you look really cute."

He vanished over the other side of the wall.

XXX

Ranma sighed, and settled lower into the bathtub. Normally, a good hot bath at the end of the day was the perfect way to relax, but thanks to Doctor Tofu, Ranma couldn't touch even lukewarm water. The water she now sat in was ice cold.

Not being able to transform back into a guy sucked. Having to dress and act like Akane _really_ sucked. But having to take cold baths... that was really going too far.

She shivered, thinking back over the day. Things simply couldn't get much worse, could they?

There was a knock at the outer door. "Akane?" Kasumi called out. "Can I come in?"

"Uh..." Ranma glanced down at herself. "S-sure, Kasumi."

The elder sister stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She approached the bath and sat down on a stool. "I came to apologize to you, Ranma," Kasumi said.

"For what?" Ranma replied. "You got nothing to apologize for, Kasumi."

"Oh yes I do," she replied. "You must understand, ever since our mother died, I've tried to be a sort of mother figure for Nabiki, and especially for Akane. I can't say that I've been that good at it..."

"That's not true. I think you do a great job, Kasumi," Ranma said.

"Thank you, Ranma. It means a lot to hear you say that. But, really, I feel like I could have done better. And as for you -- I realize that you've had no mother to turn to for most of your life, and I've failed to be there for you when you needed me most."

"Kasumi, you know that's not true," Ranma said, sitting up. "You've done a wonderful job, for everyone. You've done your best..."

"No," Kasumi replied. "You see, Ranma, I found the packages that you brought home tonight, and I looked inside to see what you'd bought..."

Ranma sank back down in the water, suddenly confused about where this conversation was going. "Uh... yeah?"

Kasumi turned to face her. "Oh, Ranma! I didn't realize it until now, but you've never had your own bras to wear, have you?"

"Um... not really," Ranma said. "Not that I really need to..."

"But of course you do!" Kasumi exclaimed! _Any_ girl needs to, even you! I feel bad that I didn't even consider it before, but it's only natural for girls to wear bras... and you can hardly wear Akane's."

"That's okay, Kasumi," Ranma said. "Really."

"No, it's not okay," Kasumi replied. "I was negligent before, and for that I apologize. But I'm going to make it up to you."

"Ah... heh. You don't really need to do that..."

"Yes I do." Kasumi's voice was firm. She stood to leave, and said, "I know that Ojisan likes to 'borrow' such things, so from now on, after this problem with Akane is over, I'll make sure to check the drawer where you keep your underwear, and if your bras go missing, then I'll just take you shopping right away for some more. Given the nature of living under the same roof as Ojisan, I always set aside money from the household budget just for the purpose of replacing stolen underthings for Akane, Nabiki, and I. I'll just add you to the list. It'll be no problem at all!"

She smiled sweetly and then left. Ranma sighed. She shivered for a few more moments, then climbed out of the bath and dried herself off.

As she headed up the stairs, she replayed the conversation in her head. Okay. She'd been wrong. Things _had_ gotten worse.

Well, she wasn't being asked to _wear_ them, exactly. Just keep them in her underwear drawer. That in itself was kind of weird, but whatever, she could probably live with it. What was worse was the realization that Happosai _would_ steal them, which meant that Ranma would likely be visiting the lingerie stores again and again... to buy more embarrassing underthings that she simply didn't need...

She opened the door to Akane's room and stepped inside. Basically, her life at the moment sucked. But at least she'd reached that point in the day where it no longer mattered... she could just flop into bed and forget everything. Things couldn't _possibly_ get any worse now...

"Sho! Zha oomoors zhat I hurd aaua twooo!"

"_What_?" Ranma responded automatically. She turned, and added, "Ah, man, I do _not_ need this!"

A tall girl clad only in a leotard stood poised in front of Akane's closet. Her long black hair was gathered in an asymmetrical ponytail. She held a giant mallet in one hand, and a black rose clenched in her teeth.

The girl spit out the rose and repeated, "So, the rumors that I heard are true!"

Ranma eyed Kodachi wearily. "What rumors would those be?" she asked. "Something from your brother?"

"Of course not!" Kodachi replied indignantly. "How could I possibly trust the blatherings of that wretched imbecile?"

"Point taken," Ranma said. "Something from that ninja of yours, then."

"Naturally! Now explain yourself, you little hussy!"

Ranma yawned. "Can we make this quick? I gotta get some sleep. So... explain what?"

"Why have you traded places with the evil Tendo girl? And what does it have to do with my precious Ranma-sama?"

Ranma blinked at her in momentary confusion. "It's... got _nothing_ to do with Ranma," she finally said.

"You lie! You wicked, wicked girl! I, Kodachi the Black Rose, shall punish you!"

"Fine, whatever. Can we do this some other time?"

But Kodachi was already in motion, launching an attack with her mallet. Ranma leapt back, then continued to dodge the psycho gymnast. For several moments they bounced about Akane's room, Ranma blocking or evading each attack. Ranma would have preferred to not hit the girl, but she realized Kodachi wasn't giving her a choice.

Fine. Ranma attacked. Kodachi went flying into the closet door, breaking it.

Tatewaki Kuno's sister lay on the floor, motionless. Ranma began to panic. What now? She was dead tired, but she couldn't just go to sleep with an unconscious Kodachi on the floor.

Then Kodachi stirred. She sat up, looked about a moment, then fixed her glare upon Ranma. She got to her feet.

"I will concede this round as a draw," Kodachi said, staring balefully. She produced a gymnastics ribbon and began to twirl it about. In moments, a windstorm sprung up, right there in the middle of Akane's room. "But I warn you: this is not over! Victory will soon be mine! Ohohohohohohoho!"

The younger Kuno bounded out the window and across the rooftops, laughing maniacally. Behind her she left a tornado of black rose petals, along with everything else in Akane's room that wasn't secure. The wind died down quickly, but the room was now a disaster area. Black rose petals were everywhere.

Ranma sighed. "Well," she said, "one thing's for sure. I ain't cleanin' this up tonight."

She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

XXX

Ranma dreamed.

She was at school. She wore a girl's uniform. Everyone around her addressed her by the name Akane.

"Hey Akane," Yuka said. "Sayuri and I are going to see a mushy lovey-dovey movie after school. Want to come? The lead actor is really hot! And he makes out with another guy and that actor is really hot too!"

"Ick! No way!" Ranma said. "I'm not Akane, you know."

"Sure you are," Yuka said. "You look like her, don't you? Meet us after school, I know you'll love it!"

Dr. Tofu appeared. Dropping to one knee and grasping Ranma's hand, he said, "Akane-chan, I know you've always loved me. That's why I trapped you as a woman, so that we could consummate our love. Come with me! I've registered a room for us at a love hotel!"

"Ack! Get away!" Ranma exclaimed. "Don't make me puke! I'm not into guys, and I ain't Akane!"

Principal Kuno roller-skated by, strumming his ukulele. "You being Akane from dis day forward, keiki! Dis Kahuna give de word! Now it be da truth!"

"You can't do that!" Ranma shouted.

Ranma's skirt flew up, and she suddenly felt much draftier below the waist. A tiny man, dressed in black, bounced away from her, clutching something in his hands. It was white silk with pink and yellow roses. He held the item up for the entire school to see.

"Akane-chan's panties!" Happosai exclaimed.

"I'm not Akane!" Ranma said desperately.

A herd of little black pigs, each with a yellow tiger-striped bandanna, came flying down the hallway on black feathered wings. "Bweeee!" they all exclaimed. "Akane! We love you! Let us sleep with you!"

"I'm not Akane!"

"Of course you are, Akane," Nabiki said. "You wear Akane's clothes. You sleep in Akane's room. You have Akane's haircut. You even defend your precious P-Chan."

"No I don't!" Ranma insisted. Five of the cute winged pigs were snuggling in her arms.

"And you're bad at cooking. What more evidence do we need?"

They were on the soccer field in back of the school now. Akane was facing off against Mousse while Ranma and the others watched.

"Möko Takabisha!" Akane yelled. A burst of chi flew from her hands, flattening Mousse. "Cool!" she exclaimed. "I win! And with a move that I invented myself!"

"Hey!" Ranma yelled. "That's _my_ move!"

"Oh, come on," Nabiki said. "Chi blasts are simple. Anyone can do them." To demonstrate, Nabiki fired her own chi-blast at the unconscious Mousse.

"It's true," Kasumi said, blasting Mousse with a chi blast of her own. "Even children and old ladies can do that."

Hiroshi and Daisuke nodded, and then they, along with Yuka and Sayuri and even Gosunkugi also blasted Mousse. A little kid blasted Mousse. The old lady with the water ladle blasted Mousse. The Chinese martial artist looked like a piece of burnt toast.

Kuno stepped out of the crowd. He was wearing cowboy boots and leather chaps over his hakama. Twin pistols were strapped to his hips, and a wide-brimmed cowboy hat sat on his head. In one hand, he held a wooden bokken; in the other, he held a branding iron.

He stared at Ranma. "Verily, I wish to brand thee with my love, little filly!"

Ranma threw out her hands. "Möko Takabisha!" she yelled, but nothing happened.

Something hovered by her shoulder. It looked like one of the winged P-Chans, but it had the face of Kasumi. It held something in its hooves. "Ranma!" it exclaimed. "You can do it! All you have to do is put on this magical bra and then say the magic words, and you'll become Sparkling Warrior-Chef Pretty Akane!"

Kuno lunged forward with his red-hot brand. Ranma jumped back and out of the way. She grabbed the bra and put it on.

She held up a bottle of linseed oil. "Sparkling Warrior-Chef Pretty Akane, Burn Up!" she cried out. Her clothes flew away and a new magical girl sailor fuku formed around her. It was pink and white, with lots of ruffles.

Meanwhile, cowboy-Kuno had transformed into a giant puffy blue and black monster. It still wore a cowboy hat and wielded a bokken.

"Go Pretty Akane!" P-Kasumichan exclaimed. "Use your special attack!"

"Which one is that?" Ranma asked.

"The Pretty Toxic Stir Fry of Love!"

Ranma produced a pan of flaming stir fry and flung it at the monster. The monster screamed, and then dissolved into a puddle of goo.

P-Kasumichan clapped her hooves together. "Way to go, Pretty Akane! Now, I must assume my normal form to avoid suspicion..."

The flying pig with Kasumi's face transformed into a tabby cat, then leapt into Ranma's arms.

"Aaaaaaaaigh!" Ranma screamed. She bolted forward, then paused.

She was in a dark room... her room. No, Akane's room. She was sitting up in bed. Her, heart was pounding like a jackhammer, and her body was soaked with sweat.

Nothing stirred. The house was silent. Black petals were still scattered everywhere.

"Man, what a weird dream," she murmured. She fell back into the pillows, and drifted off to sleep.

XXX

In the morning Ranma stood in Akane's room and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Dressed in Akane's uniform once again, she looked remarkably like Akane, or at least like a normal girl. It had only been a day and a half, but it was starting to feel normal and natural to dress like this and look like this. Ranma didn't like being a girl, but she kind of liked how she looked as a girl. She knew she was cute and attractive. She wasn't supposed to be happy about that -- what guy would be? -- but deep inside, she secretly _was_ happy about it. Which only confused her more.

Outside she could hear Genma sparring with Akane. Here in the quiet of Akane's room, the sounds were indistinct, but audible. It was strange how jealous they made her feel. Akane was flying about, running across the rooftop, trading kicks and blows with Ranma's old man -- all the things Ranma had done every single morning for as far back as she could remember. Meanwhile, Ranma was in a room by herself, staring at her reflection, listening to the silence and wondering about it all.

It really _felt_ like she was living Akane's life, or at least a life other than her own. Different room, different clothes, different routines, different interactions and relationships with those around her -- she really had taken a trip away from her own life. It was like being on vacation in a place you didn't want to visit.

She wanted to end it now. She wanted her own life back.

Ranma sighed and gathered her thoughts. Her stomach growled, reminding her that breakfast was waiting. Her other problems could wait -- for today, she needed to solve something more immediate. Mousse was planning to fight Ranma tonight after school, but the real Ranma was still pretending to be her own fiancee. She didn't want Mousse to fight Akane, did she? Did she?

After last night, Ranma was no longer sure.

Ranma headed down the hall, then paused at the bottom of the stairs. The morning's sparring session was apparently over, and she could hear her father and Mr. Tendo talking in the tea room.

"I tell ya, Tendo, the boy really gives me quite a workout. I was as surprised as you last night when that challenger showed up, but the truth is, the son I have today is every bit as good as the one I had last week..."

"Uh... Saotome..." Mr. Tendo said. Ranma could imagine the sweat on Soun's brow. "About that 'boy' of yours... you _do_ realize that she's _not_ your son?"

"What?" Genma said. "Oh... oh, yes. Of course." He laughed again. "But Tendo, it hardly matters, does it? Think about it for a moment! We now have not one, but _two_ great martial artists..."

Ranma heard someone else enter the room. "And those two would be?" Akane asked.

"Ranma!" Genma exclaimed. "Why... ah... I just meant you and... and... me! Of course!"

"Why am I not Genma's son, Mr. Tendo?"

"No offense, Ranma," Soun replied, nervously. "I only meant that you're his _daughter_, at the moment."

"I'm nobody's daughter, Mr. Tendo. Even _if_ I'm stuck as a girl right now..."

Akane walked into the hallway. She was naked from the waist up, covered in sweat, and had a towel draped over her shoulders. She looked about as unfeminine as she'd ever looked to Ranma.

She saw Ranma, and raised an eyebrow. "What are you looking at?" she asked.

"Nothing," Ranma answered.

"Well don't just stand there looking like an idiot. Kasumi's almost got breakfast ready."

Akane turned and headed for the furo. Ranma glared after her, grinding her teeth. Since when had Akane become so rude?

From the living room there came a muffled sobbing. "Now, now, Tendo," Genma said. "She didn't really mean it."

Ranma headed into the room and sat at the table. "You two are pathetic, you know that?" she said. "You don't even realize that the whole house can hear everything you two say."

"Now, boy... I mean, Akane..."

"Don't say a word, Mr. Saotome. I'm not listening."

Ranma finished her breakfast quickly and gathered her bookbag. As she headed for the front door, she could hear Genma saying, "Tendo, that girl of yours needs to learn to curb her temper."

"Uh... Saotome..." Soun replied. "About that 'girl' of mine... you _do_ realize that she's _not_ my daughter?"

Ranma sighed. Today. Some how, some way, it had to end today.

XXX

Like the previous day, Akane ran along the fencetop while Ranma followed in the street. This time, Ranma didn't wonder at the display of balance and agility. It was clear now that Akane could do a lot more than just run along a fencetop.

Shampoo was conspicuously absent this morning. Ranma wondered about that. It wasn't like the amazon to give up pursuit so easily, but perhaps Cologne had convinced her to back off for now. Although the Joketzu matriarch hadn't been around, to Ranma's knowledge, she probably knew what was up with Ranma and Akane. She always seemed to know what was going on. For that matter, Dr. Tofu might have told her.

Might the old ghoul have something to help Akane remember who she was, Ranma wondered? It would be worth it to go ask.

After another mercifully brief encounter with Tatewaki Kuno, the two made it to class, just as the bell rang.

It was almost depressing how routine the school day was. People had already accepted that Ranma was Akane, and Akane was Ranma, and had moved on to other things. Hiroshi and Daisuke gathered around Akane and talked guy talk as if nothing were unusual. Sayuri and Yuka tried to include Ranma in their girl talk, as if she were really interested.

Ranma sighed. Even Happosai, like Shampoo, had decided to not make an appearance this day, nor did Kodachi Kuno make good on her promise of revenge. The whole morning passed by with little incident.

Well, almost. There was a repeat of Akane's lunchtime performance where she gorged herself on okonomiyaki and then immediately blew Ukyo off. Ranma had to physically restrain Ukyo from attacking Akane.

"Let me go, Ranma! You can't keep protecting her forever you know!"

"I'm not protecting her!" Ranma said. "I'm protecting you!"

"Give me a break!" Ukyo said. "I can take her any day!" But she relaxed and sat back down to tend her grill. While she made another okonomiyaki, Ranma explained what had happened the previous evening. Ukyo scowled at Ranma with narrowed eyes.

"Ranchan, has Akane been hitting you in the head again?"

"What? No, not lately."

"Because that story doesn't make any sense. People don't throw chi blasts around just because they _think_ they can. It took you and Ryoga a long time to master those attacks! And it took even longer to master the chestnut fist!"

"Hey, you don't gotta tell me that," Ranma said. "All I know is what I saw. Somehow, Akane thinking she's me has unlocked some sort of hidden potential in her. Don't ask me how, but she's way better than she ever was before."

Ukyo stared across the lawn at Akane, who was goofing off with some of the guys. "Well... if you say so, Ranchan. Then is she as good as you?" she asked.

"As good as me? Of course not."

"Oh, I don't know," another girl said. The two glanced back and saw Nabiki standing a few feet behind them. "From what I saw, she might just be every bit as good as you, Ranma."

"That's impossible," Ranma said.

"So it's really true then?" Ukyo asked.

"Oh yes," Nabiki replied. "Quite amusing, actually. Who would have thought that my sister could imitate Ranma better than Ranma could imitate her?"

Ranma frowned. "Everything amuses you, doesn't it?" she said.

Nabiki smiled. "Well," she said, "it's not like I'm not worried about Akane, but yes, in the meantime it's very amusing... not to mention profitable."

As she walked off, Ukyo said, "What does she mean by that?"

"I don't even want to know," Ranma replied.

XXX

"She really did that?"

Nabiki nodded her head. "I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it for myself. But in retrospect, it makes perfect sense."

Lunch was nearly over. Out back behind the school, Nabiki was consulting with her usual co-conspirators, Midori and Kyoko.

"Makes sense? How?" Midori asked.

"Akane's a martial artist," Nabiki replied. "She doesn't take it that seriously, but she has all the training and she's in good physical condition. She's watched Ranma train and fight for quite a while now, so she knows his moves. Apparently she knows them _completely_, at least on a subconscious level.

"And now all of that's coming out?" Kyoko asked. "But how?"

"Yeah," Midori added. "I don't care _how_ much she's watched Ranma, she's still never done these moves before. Martial arts is physical -- it requires rigorous physical training. It's not something you can pick up from watching videos, or casual observation, or whatever."

"True, you have to be _capable_ of doing a given move," Nabiki said, "and for the most part, my sister is. But if you think it's all physical, then you haven't been paying attention. What separates a good martial artist from a great one is all up here." She tapped her forehead knowingly.

The other two girls just stared at her. Nabiki sighed. "Look," she said, "why do you think Ranma always wins?"

"Because he's the best," Kyoko said. "He trains harder than everyone else, and has more skill."

"That's partly true," Nabiki replied. "But he's only sixteen. He's not half as good as he'll probably be several years from now, and he isn't always the best martial artist in a fight. Several times in the last year I've seen him go up against opponents that were more skilled, and he still wins. Do you know why?"

The other girls continued to stare at Nabiki blankly. Nabiki frowned. "Oh come on, I just told you" she said. She tapped her forehead again. "Half the battle is up here, you know. Ranma always wins because he always _expects_ to win. He refuses to admit defeat, ever."

Midori's frown deepened. "Are you trying to tell us Ranma wins because he's _smart_?"

"We know better than that, Nabiki," Kyoko said.

"It's not brains," Nabiki said, "it's attitude. And when it comes to combat, Ranma _is_ pretty smart, you know."

The girls still looked skeptical. "Nabiki," Midori said. "Believing you're an elite martial artist doesn't _make_ you one."

"Maybe, maybe not," Nabiki said. "But every champion has that sort of edge. Consider golfer Tiger Woods. Why does he win so much? Sure, he's _better_ than everyone else -- and he works harder than the rest so that he can _be_ better. But that's only half of it. There are other golfers who can hit the ball as far, or putt the ball just as well... except that when the heat is on, they usually wilt. They don't have the mental toughness that Tiger has. And Tiger has a mental edge over everyone he plays against -- he knows he's going to win, and they know they're going to lose. A lot of the time, the outcome's practically predetermined because of that.

"In the same way, Ranma always knows he's going to win, and so he just about always does. Mousse expects to lose, or at least is afraid that he's going to lose, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ryoga expects to lose too. Neither will admit it, just as Tiger's opponents would never admit it, but it's there in the back of their minds all the same."

"Well, I know the power of suggestion can be a pretty powerful thing," Kyoko said. "I've seen what you can do with those fake pills of yours. So what you're telling us is that Akane _thinks_ she's Ranma, and therefore she can actually fight like Ranma?"

"Fairly close anyway," Nabiki said. "If you ask me, Mousse has no chance against her right now."

"Hmm," Midori considered. "And the whole school thinks she's gonna get creamed..."

"Sounds like a prime opportunity to make some cash," Kyoko said.

Nabiki nodded her head. "My thoughts exactly."

XXX

Boy's conversations were boring. Why hadn't she realized that before? Listening to Hiroshi and Daisuke wax eloquent about the various charms of various girls held no interest for her at all. Who cared about girls?

In the meantime, she found herself staring across the classroom at Akane, and daydreaming that it was _her_ sitting there, dressed in a girl's uniform, talking to her friends Sayuri and Yuka. When she finally realized what she was doing, she sat bolt upright in shock. It was like a splash of cold water to the face. _Ranma_, wishing she was really a girl? Why would she think that? She was a _guy_, dammit!

Settling back down in her seat, she felt the bump on her head. She recalled Dr. Tofu's words about the seriousness of her recent injury. He'd fixed it so she couldn't transform, so she knew it was pretty severe. Maybe there was more wrong with her head than he let on. Maybe her brain was scrambled enough that she might actually start to think she was really a girl, or wish to be one.

She shuddered at the thought.

XXX

The last bell sounded the end of the school day. Students retrieved things from their lockers, changed their shoes, and filed out to the large soccer field on the school grounds. By the time Ranma and Ukyo arrived, a large crowd had already gathered.

"Got a plan?" Ukyo asked in a low voice.

"Not yet," Ranma whispered back. They pushed their way through the crowd and ran across Daisuke and Hiroshi, both looking excited, and Sayuri and Yuka, both looking concerned.

"You're not really going to let her fight Mousse, are you?" Sayuri asked Ranma.

"You can't interfere!" Daisuke said. "You're Akane, remember? Akane thinks she's Ranma! You have to let her fight!"

"That's right," Hiroshi added. "If you interfere, it will mess with her head. Right?"

Ranma stared at her two nominal friends. "Let me guess. You two bet on Mousse, didn't you?"

The two looked startled at the accusation, and not a little guilty.

"Well," Hiroshi said, "it seemed like an easy way to make a few yen..."

"There's no way she can win against him," Daisuke added. "Isn't that right, Ranma?"

"Yeah," Hiroshi said. "She can't possibly win, can she?"

Ranma laughed, somewhat bitterly. "You two should have seen her last night," she said. "We had a challenger show up, looking for me, and she flattened him in no time. She used the Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken and also my Möko Takabisha."

The two stared at Ranma a moment.

"No she didn't," Hiroshi said.

"Yes she did," Ranma snapped. "I was there. You weren't."

"Don't lie to us, Ranma," Daisuke said. "There's a lot of money at stake here."

"Yeah," Hiroshi said. "No way Akane knows how to perform those moves."

"She does now," Ranma said. "Nabiki was there too, so she can back me up." She laughed suddenly. "I bet she's giving _really_ good odds on Mousse. Right?

"Ah..." Daisuke began. His voice trailed off.

"Morons," Yuka said.

Hiroshi suddenly looked frantic. "Ranma, you gotta stop them!" he exclaimed. "Mousse doesn't know that he's fighting Akane!"

"She's your fiancee!" Daisuke added. "She could get hurt! You gotta do something!"

Ranma glanced down on the soccer field. Mousse was squaring off against Akane. It seemed like the entire school -- including many of the teachers and administrative staff -- were there to watch. Nobody seemed prepared to stop what they all expected to be a resounding victory for Mousse.

"Geez, what's wrong with everyone?" Ranma said. "They all think she's gonna get crushed, and everyone's just gonna watch?"

"Akane's a martial artist, too," Sayuri said, somewhat defensively. "Now, more than ever, if what you say is true."

"Ranchan, are you gonna do something or not?" Ukyo asked.

"Well," Ranma said, "I wasn't sure if I was, but I'm getting tired of this whole stupid charade. Anyway, Mousse is a pretty tough customer. Even with some of my moves, there's no guarantee Akane would win..."

"Yatta!" Daisuke said. "That's the spirit, Ranma!"

"If you stop the fight, then all bets are off!" Hiroshi added.

"Idiots," Sayuri said.

"I ain't stopping the fight," Ranma said. "I'm just taking it over..." She leaped high over the crowd and landed in the middle of the soccer field. Akane and Mousse turned to watch her. For the moment, all eyes were on Ranma.

"Mousse," Ranma said. "If you're gonna fight Ranma Saotome, make sure it's the _real _Ranma that you're facing. Otherwise it doesn't count."

"Not this again!" Akane growled. "Listen, dummy! _I'm_ Ranma Saotome! _You're_ Akane Tendo. Got it?"

"Not anymore I'm not," Ranma growled. "Sorry about this, but I am _through_ bein' Akane Tendo. I want my old self back."

"Don't be stupid!" Akane yelled. "You can't just _decide_ to be me instead of you! How can you be anyone but yourself?"

"That's what I've been wondering," Ranma said. "And I've decided that I can't. I can only be myself."

"Good. You're finally talking sense."

"And who I am is Ranma Saotome," Ranma said.

Mousse was beginning to look confused. "I did not come here to fight two Ranmas," he said. "Which one of you is the real Ranma Saotome?"

"I am!" Ranma and Akane said in unison.

Ranma glared at Akane. "Look, Mousse," she said, "Akane got hit on the head. She's all confused. But if you fight her and win, that doesn't mean anything to me or Shampoo. Anyway, with all your weird Amazon laws, wouldn't you have to marry her if you defeated her?"

Mousse frowned. "Of course not..."

Shampoo appeared out of nowhere. "Is not true!" she said. "Akane not member of Joketzu amazon tribe, so Mousse can defeat and probably not have to marry."

"What do you mean, 'probably'?" Ranma asked.

"Amazon laws probably not apply in this case!" Shampoo said. "Difficult question as this, only great grandmother is know for sure!"

There was a wicked glint in her eye as she said this. Ranma folded her arms across her chest. "And I suppose the old ghoul wouldn't bend the rules just to get Mousse and Akane out of the way?"

"Shampoo not know what you talking about, Akane. Besides," Shampoo said, "Is no question of defeat Akane Tendo! All Mousse have to do is defeat _Ranma Saotome_!" She pointed directly at Akane as she said this.

"But _I'm_ Ranma Saotome!" Ranma said.

"Akane, what you talking about? You is Akane Tendo, yes?"

Mousse adjusted his glasses and peered closely at Ranma.

"You're dressed like Akane," he said. "You have the same haircut." He studied Akane. "_She_ is dressed like Ranma. Her hair is red, and tied back into a pigtail..."

"That doesn't prove anything!" Ranma exclaimed.

"This matter is easily resolved," Mousse said. He produced a steaming copper kettle. "Hot water will reverse the Jusenkyo curse and transform Ranma Saotome into a guy." He took a step towards Ranma.

Ranma jumped back. "I... can't, right now," she said.

"Me either," Akane said. "Dr. Tofu gave me this moxibustion to keep me from transforming. To protect my head injury, he said."

Mousse paused, then slid the kettle beneath his robes. "Hmm," he said. "A most perplexing problem. In what other way can I determine which of you is the real Ranma?"

Akane snapped her fingers. "I got it!" she exclaimed.

"Yes?"

"Would Akane do this?" She leapt into the crowd, grabbed a girl from behind, and squeezed her breasts.

"Aiiiiiieee! Pervert!" the girl screamed. Laughing, Akane avoided the girl's retaliatory strike and bounced back down onto the soccer field.

Mousse adjusted his glasses. "A most convincing performance," he said. He turned to look at Ranma. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"If you are truly Ranma Saotome, then you will have no objection to molesting an innocent girl."

There were nods of assent from the crowd. Ranma's face grew red.

"Are you guys nuts? What do you think I am?"

"It's well known that Ranma's a pervert," Hiroshi called out.

"He's got a point," Daisuke added. "We all know that Ranma has no reservations about molesting women..."

"Oh, give me a break!" Ranma growled. "Unlike blind Duck-Boy here, you guys _know_ that I'm Ranma!"

"True," Hiroshi said. "But even you've gotta admit that you're not acting like him."

"I don't gotta admit anything of the sort!" Ranma growled.

"I've made up my mind!" Mousse said. He pointed directly at Akane. "I will fight _this_ Ranma Saotome! The one who looks and acts like the real Ranma!"

"Now, wait a second," Ranma began. Shampoo grabbed her arm.

"Come, Akane," she said. "Is mans to mans fight. We girls is watch from sideline."

Ranma was about to protest, when a dark shadow moved across the field.

Everyone glanced up. A massive creature, looking something like a flying water buffalo, was winging it's way directly towards them. It didn't look _precisely_ like a winged water buffalo... it had a more humanoid upper body, with powerful arms, massive fists, and a tail that looked like an eel, complete with a mouth at the end.

It was a very weird-looking monstrosity, but one that most of the crowd recognized. "Great, Ranma muttered. "Pantyhose Taro. What the heck is _he_ doing here?"

As the creature winged lower, a rider could be seen on it's back. Ranma strained to see who it was, then gasped in shock.

It was Bill Laramie, the weird Asian cowboy who had challenged Akane the night before.

"Yeeeeee-haw!" Laramie yelled out, lasso spinning over his head. The beast Taro swooped down low, flying just above the heads of the crowd, and Laramie's lasso whipped out.

Ranma failed to dodge the twirling ropes. It was an uncharacteristic mistake; she'd failed to anticipate the attack. Perhaps it was the surprise of seeing Laramie at all, or maybe she was subconsciously starting to buy in to the idea that _Akane_ was the one who got into fights, while Ranma just watched.

In a flash, the ropes pulled tight about her upper body, pinning her arms, and she was hauled up into the sky.

Ranma flew up and up, then was deposited in front of the martial artist cowboy. "Wrong move!" Ranma growled. One foot slammed into the side of the cowboy's head, and Laramie slumped sideways.

A second later, so did Taro. Laramie was controlling Taro with a rope and bridle. A long tug on one end of the rope sent the beast into a steep turn. Ranma slipped free and began to fall.

They were already pretty high up, Ranma noted. This, she thought, is gonna hurt.

Taro's massive hand wrapped around her. There was a rush of wind as his powerful wings beat down, and they were rising again. Taro's other fist slammed into Ranma's head. For a moment the world went black. When she came to, she was back in front of Laramie, tied down more firmly and with ropes about her legs as well. Stars swam before her eyes.

Ranma was having a hard time understanding why Taro would help an idiot like this. It wasn't in Taro's nature. Nor did it make sense that some half-baked cowboy martial artist that nobody had ever heard of could control Taro so completely. However, she had no time to resolve the puzzle.

Once again the beast swung low over the soccer field. Ranma could hear people yelling, crying out in fear. Above the noise, she clearly heard Akane's voice yelling: "AKANE!"

"Ba-a-ka," Ranma muttered.

Laramie yelled at the top of his voice, "If you want ta rescue yer woman, ya'll jest track me down an' defeat me in battle, ya hear?"

And then they were winging their way up into the sky, heading West toward the mountains.

"You frickin' moron!" Ranma growled. "I ain't her woman! Get ready to be hurt!" Ranma struggled to free herself. "Soon as I get out of here... I'm gonna pound you six ways from Sunday..." She continued to struggle futilely.

"Ah'm only gonna warn ya once, little filly," the cowboy said. "This here's a magic rope, made with magic constrictor vines. If'n you keep wiggling like that, them vines'll only constrict tighter and tighter, until they cut you plumb in two."

"When I get free of this, I'm gonna..."

"Yeah, ah hear ya. Don't worry yer pretty little head, girl. Yer beau will be along soon enough. O'course, his attempts ta free ya are gonna be doomed, doomed, doomed! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The man laughed maniacally.

"Give me a break!" Ranma growled. "Akane couldn't save ten yen, let alone save anyone else! She's clumsy, violent, lacking in any real skill, and..."

"Akane?" the man asked. "Ya mean Akane Tendo?"

"That's right! She's the most uncute girl I've ever met..."

"Ain't that _you_, little filly?"

Ranma paused. "Um... well yeah, I guess I'm Akane... for the moment, anyway..."

"Don't try ta confuse me by talkin' 'bout yerself in third person," Laramie said. "I ain't falling for it. Now, hang on! Things're about to get a mite bumpy here!"

XXX

After a long flight they descended to a wooded hillside far outside the city. Ranma was surprised to see buildings in what was otherwise the middle of nowhere. There was a wide street of dirt with a few buildings on each side of it and a large fenced-off area at one end. The buildings were western-style, with large false fronts that made them seem larger than they really were.

Ranma blinked. She wasn't exactly a movie buff, but even she recognized a cowboy western town when she saw it. The fenced off area was some sort of corral. The large building in the center of town was clearly a saloon.

The place looked deserted. They landed in front of the saloon. Bill Laramie hopped off the flying beast and spread his arms out.

"Welcome to Bill Laramie's East-O-Texas Original Lone Star Ranch! Like it?"

"It's... interesting," Ranma said. She'd given up on trying to free herself for the moment, curious to see what Laramie had planned and if Akane would really follow them. Besides, the cowboy had been right -- the vines around her hand only grown tighter as she struggled. Simply breathing had become a little difficult.

"This place was built for a western movie some time back," Laramie said. "Not a good one, Ah reckon. But Ah bought all this fer a song, an' fixed it up to mah likin'." He paused, looking about. "This'll be mah first big fight here," he said. "Gonna be loads o' fun."

Ranma studied the deranged cowboy. He was actually quite short -- not much taller than Ranma's girl half. However, he did look strong, with a body nearly as stocky as Ryoga's. He was dressed like a "good guy" from some nameless western movie, with a white cowboy hat, tanned leather chaps, white leather boots, spurs, a dark brown leather vest, and a western shirt that was white with fancy stitching. The only thing he lacked was two six-shooters strapped to his thighs, but his lariat slapped against one thigh instead.

The whole effect was spoiled by the goofy and clearly fake blond handle-bar mustache, which did not match his straight black hair. Clearly, the self-styled cowboy had no idea what he really looked like with it on.

"Yeah, whatever," Ranma said. "You already got beat once. What makes you think this'll be any different?"

The cowboy grinned. "Mah first fight at yer dojo was jest fer fun," he said. "Ah wuz scoutin' Ranma out, like. When ya play poker, little filly, ya never show all yer cards until the final showdown. Ah've seen what Ranma's got, but Ah got lots o' tricks up mah sleeve thet Ranma ain't seen yet. This time, it's gonna be a different story."

A lasso whipped out and snagged Ranma from the beast. She flew across the street, landing against a thick wooden pole. Layers or rope looped about her, securing her to it.

"We'll jest be waitin' here a while fer yer man to catch up to us," the cowboy said. "Yer girly-man, Ah should say. Once'n I've defeated him, yer free ta go."

He paused, then added, "The saloon's stocked with tequila and whiskey. Ah can git you a drink, if'n you want."

"No thanks," Ranma said. "I don't drink."

"Suit yerself," the cowboy said. He strolled into the saloon. Moments later, ragtime music began to play, and the cowboy strolled back out with a shot glass in his hand.

"Here's mud in yer eye," he said, and downed the glass.

Ranma was staring at Pantyhose Taro. The massive creature had drunk noisily from a wooden trough in front of the saloon, and now was parked nearby, looking quite dumb. His eyes were glassy. Ranma could not see a spark of intelligence in them.

"What did you do to him?" Ranma asked.

"To who? Oh, you mean Trigger?"

"His name is Taro."

The cowboy laughed. "Nah, that's just mah trusty steed, Trigger. Pretty impressive, ain't he? Ah thought a flying steed would be the way to go, and so there you are."

Ranma suddenly realized that there was more missing than just intelligence and a surly attitude. This creature before him lacked the octopus tentacles that Taro had eventually added to his cursed form.

"This... really _isn't_ Pantyhose Taro, is it?" she said.

"Of course not! Weren't you listenin'? This here is mah trusty steed Trigger!"

"And when you splash it with hot water?"

"He goes back to bein' a reg'lar horse, of course," the cowboy said. He guffawed loudly. "Y'see, I read about your friend with the girly name, and I jest knew I had to make Trigger into a flying steed. And it worked!"

"You traveled all the way to Jusenkyo just to turn your horse into a flying monstrosity?"

"Sure did! Impressive, ain't he?"

Ranma stared at the creature again. It did not look exceptionally happy.

A row of stalls faced the street near the corral, with solid doors barred from the outside. Ranma hadn't paid much attention to them, but suddenly one of the doors shook violently. Moments later, a low, feral growl came from within.

Ranma tensed up. She recognized a cat sound when she heard one.

"Sounds like Stripes is a mite hungry," the cowboy commented. "That's mah pet Siberian tiger, y'know."

"C-c-c-c-c-cat?" Ranma managed through clenched teeth.

"Sure as shootin'. Ah got all kinds of surprises in store fer yer beau. Now, let's see," the cowboy said. "Ah needs a small fire to heat up mah brandin' irons... should have enough time fer that, at least..." Mumbling to himself and pretty much ignoring Ranma, Laramie began arranging for Akane's arrival.

XXX

Ranma waited. She wasn't sure why. She hadn't given up on the idea of freeing herself and beating up the crazy cowboy, but she was content to wait and see if Akane would show up, and what might happen if she did. After all, Akane had beat the idiot once, and technically this was also her fight -- the western freak had challenged her, not Ranma. Maybe she could beat him again. Or maybe, if she couldn't, it would help shock her back to reality.

So Ranma waited. And waited.

Akane had been in this position dozens of times. Ranma was always rescuing her, and in many cases, it wasn't as if Akane couldn't have saved herself. Why did she always wait for Ranma? Could it be she _wanted_ to be rescued?

But why? That would mean she _liked_ Ranma, wouldn't it?

Ranma shook her head vigorously. Laramie, occupied with stoking a fire into which he'd stuffed a dozen branding irons, paused to watch her, like a squirrel in a park pausing to study an unpredictable human. Ranma ignored him.

If Akane waited for Ranma because she _wanted_ to be rescued, then why was Ranma now waiting for her? Did Ranma _want_ Akane to rescue her?

No, that was stupid. Ranma didn't need anyone's help in any fight. She... she just wanted to see what Akane could do first. That was all. Ranma was Akane's sensei, in a way -- not officially of course, but she'd been more or less training Akane for a while now. And this whole bonk-on-the-head, I'm-Ranma-now episode had revealed that Akane was capable of _much_ more than she'd ever shown previously. If she could do it now, thinking she was Ranma, then she could learn to do it as Akane.

In a way, this was a test for Akane. It was a better one, in fact, than Ranma could ever have arranged on her own. The only part Ranma didn't like was the embarrassment of pretending to be the damsel in distress. But Ranma had embarrassed herself for the art before. It was practically the Saotome way, when you got right down to it.

And that was it, of course. She was _pretending_ to be captured, in order to test Akane. Yes, that was it exactly. She could break out of these constricting vines at any moment, should the situation warrant it.

And as long as there was a hungry tiger caged nearby, Ranma was fairly certain the situation didn't warrant it.

It was an hour or more before Akane finally showed up. Bill Laramie had his fire burning hot and was leaning against a post nearby playing on a harmonica. Trigger the Taro-clone was sleeping peacefully nearby. Ranma was about to drift off as well, when Akane appeared on the horizon, running at full speed.

Ranma blinked. Dressed in Ranma's red Chinese top and black pants, pigtail flying out behind her, Akane bounded up a hillside in several quick, massive leaps. Even to Ranma, she looked like Ranma.

On Akane's heels were Mousse, Shampoo, Cologne and Ukyo, the only ones with enough stamina and determination to keep up with Akane.

"Akane!" Akane yelled.

"Ranma honey!" Ukyo called out.

"Airen!" Shampoo yelled.

Akane looked back at the other two girls. "What?"

"Look!" Mousse yelled out. "He's got Akane!"

"Uh... what Mousse say!" Shampoo said.

"Just hold on, Akane!" Akane yelled.

"Yeah, whatever," Ranma muttered. So she was Akane. What would Akane say in this situation? She pondered a moment, then yelled, "R_anma, you dummy! Hurry up and save me!_"

Spurs clinked as Laramie stepped away from his fire. No pistols were strapped against his thighs, but otherwise he gave the impression of a gunfighter in a classic Western showdown. The others were gathered at the far end of the street. Akane stepped forward to face Laramie.

As if on cue, the piano music coming from the saloon faded. Somewhere a door creaked back and forth in the breeze. Dust swirled. Tumbleweeds blew across the street. Ranma had no idea where _those_ had come from.

"So, ya finally made it here, Ranma Saotome," Bill Laramie said. "Ah knew you would come. Yer an honorable hombre, and yer always rescuein' yer woman."

"I'm not her woman," Ranma said. Everyone ignored her.

"Well, Ah'm sorry ta say," Laramie continued, "but this time, the advantage is mine!"

"Oh, please," Akane said. "Real people actually talk like that?'

"Ya mock me at yer peril, Saotome!" the cowboy yelled. "Them's fightin' words!"

"Yeah, whatever," Akane said, assuming a defensive crouch. "You talk big. Let's see you back it up."

The cowboy grinned. "Straight to the point, jest how Ah like it," he said. "Yer prob'ly thinkin' Ah'm a soft touch, since you beat me so soundly the first time. But Ah got a few tricks left up mah sleeve. Fer example, Ah know all about yer secret weakness..."

Akane tensed up. So did Ranma. The cowboy's lariat flew out like a shotgun shell. The lock on one of the stable doors split in two.

From inside came a deep, throaty growl. The Nerima crew exchanged glances. That sounded _nothing_ like a harmless kitten.

"Ah know yer afraid of cats," Laramie said, "so I brought ya a friend ta wrassle with. Meet Stripes, mah Siberian tiger."

"Raaaaaaoooooow!" With a mighty growl, the great cat bounded out of the pen. It was everything you could have expected in a tiger -- huge and muscular, with thick black stripes and orange fur that faded to a tawny off-white at the belly. Its tail twitched angrily. Its eyes held a feral, hungry look. It padded to the center of the street, studying everything, looking for a victim.

"C-c-cat!" Akane and Ranma screamed in unison.

"It's more than just a cat, Sugar," Ukyo said.

"Here," Laramie said. He tossed a package to Akane. She caught it and looked it over. It was long and sort of tubular, and tied up in bamboo leaves.

She sniffed it. "Fish?" she asked.

"That's right," Laramie said.

The tiger turned and bounded after Akane. Akane cried out and took off. She ran in circles, with the big cat right on her tail.

"What's the matter, Saotome?" Laramie taunted. "Afraid of a lil' kitten?"

"You moron!" Ukyo screamed. "Who _wouldn't_ be afraid of a full-grown Siberian tiger!"

The two continued to run in circles, Akane screaming, "No! Shoo! Stay away!" while the tiger growled hungrily. Nearby, Laramie's Taro-clone mount Trigger woke up, bellowed in terror, and leaped high into the air, snapping its reigns. It disappeared into the distance.

"Dang," Laramie said. "Trackin' him down's gonna be a bitch."

"C-c-cat!" Akane yelled, still running in circles.

"Hammer girl look silly like Airen," Shampoo observed.

Mousse adjusted his glasses. "Why does Saotome not transform, and use the cat fist?" he asked.

"Because she can't," Cologne replied. "Akane may _think_ she fears cats like Ranma, but her mind can't truly comprehend the horrors that training in the cat fist entails."

Managing to suppress some of her terror at the sight of the huge cat, Ranma yelled out, "Ranma, you dummy! Throw away the package!"

Akane glanced down at the wrapped fish in her hands. She turned and hurled it as hard as she could down the mountainside. The tiger bounded after it and vanished into the woods.

"Ya disappoint me, Saotome," Laramie called out. "Ah was wantin' ta see yer famous cat fist, but no matter. Ah'm more'n ready ta pound ya inta the dirt."

"You jerk!" Akane growled, spinning to face him. "That's playing dirty! Get ready to be hurt!"

Akane flew straight at the Asian cowboy. "Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken!" she screamed. Her fists were a blur, but this time, when they separated, it was clear that none of her blows had landed.

"That trick won't work on me twice," Laramie said. "Ah'm too fast."

Akane stared at her fist, then back at Laramie.

"There's no way you can dodge my blows," she said. "You'd have to be as good as Taro, or the freak. At least on the level of Ryoga."

"Then perhaps I am," Laramie said. "Ever try dodgin' bullets? Compared ta that, yer chestnut fist is a piece o' cake."

"Dodging bullets isn't humanly possible," Akane said.

"Tell that to the cowboy mystics what schooled me," Laramie replied. "They bin developin' the techniques out in the Southwest desert fer over a hundred years."

"Cowboy mystics?"

"I confess that I've heard rumors," Cologne said. "I've never really believed them..."

"Fine," Akane growled. "You're too quick to hit. Let's see you handle _this_. Möko Takabisha!"

Akane brought her hands together, and a massive ball of chi flew at Laramie. "Cowboy Mystic Counter-Attack!" Laramie yelled. "Lasso The Wind!"

Laramie's lasso whipped out and encircled the ball of chi. As if it were nothing more than a rubber ball on the end of a string, Laramie whipped the chi-blast around himself and sent it flying back at Akane, who was too surprised to dodge. The blast slammed her back into one of the thick wooden beams supporting the covered overhang in front of a store. The pole shattered, and the roof overhead sagged.

Akane stumbled to her feet, then glanced back at the shattered beam. "How the heck did you do that?" she asked.

"Shucks, darlin'. Compared to lassoin' the wind itself, yer little chi-blasts are as easy as a two-bit whore."

Akane's eyes narrowed. "Lassoing the wind? Don't be stupid."

"Jest another of mah rodeo martial arts maneuvers," the cowboy said.

"I don't believe it!" Akane yelled. "Möko Takabisha!" Again she employed Ranma's special attack, sending a massive ball of chi at the cowboy. Once again, the lasso wrapped around the chi blast and sent it flying back at Akane.

Akane was slammed back through the wall of the building behind her. Glass shards and splintered wood scattered like water spilled from a glass. As the dust settled, Akane got to her feet and stepped back through the hole she'd just created. She looked bruised, battered, and more than a little unsteady.

Laramie stood in the center of the street, laughing. "Is that all ya got, Saotome?" he sneered. "Ah guess Ah get to keep yer woman after all!"

Akane wiped a trickle of blood from her face with the back of her hand. "You're not bad," she said. "Guess I'll have to get serious."

Ranma grinned. It was _exactly_ what she would have said.

Akane flew at Laramie again, throwing multiple punches too fast for the eye to see. Laramie also threw several punches, nearly as fast. When they separated, it was obvious that both had taken damage, but Laramie was not nearly as hurt as Akane. Laramie not only looked as muscular as Ryoga, but could also apparently take quite a pounding.

At this rate, Akane was certain to lose.

Laramie's lasso whipped out to the left. A heavy wooden water trough flew at Akane. She ducked, and it glanced off of her forearm. She winced in pain as water cascaded down around her.

Even as she dodged the trough, Laramie's lasso whipped out to the right, and a wooden bench went flying. This, too, Akane was barely able to deflect. It was like watching Darth Vader toss items at Luke Skywalker with his mastery of the force.

Suddenly, Ukyo was standing next to Ranma. "Akane's in trouble," Ukyo said. Ranma nodded. Ukyo's giant spatula flashed in the sun, and then sliced neatly through the vines wrapped around Ranma's arms, waist, and legs.

"Thanks, Uchan!" Ranma said. She stepped away from the pole and flexed her muscles. She cracked her knuckles, anticipating the coming fight.

"Time to put an end to this long, sorry farce," Ranma said. She took a step towards Laramie, who had his back to her.

She paused. There was something about Akane's demeanor that made Ranma hesitate. Akane stood in the center of the dusty street. Her clothing was torn, and blood oozed from several cuts and abrasions, but she looked anything but beaten. She didn't look scared, or angry, or worried. She projected very little emotion at all.

She looked calm.

Ranma recognized that look. When Ranma looked like that, it meant that the fight was only just beginning. Ranma smirked. If Akane thought she could still win, then who was Ranma to interfere?

This was still Akane's fight.

"Had enough?" Laramie taunted. "So much for the vaunted Ranma Saotome!"

"You know, Laramie," Akane said in a low voice. "Nabiki did some research after our first fight."

"Yeah? What of it?" Laramie replied. "Research inta mah moves? Lot o' good it did ya. Ah'm kickin' yer ass, regardless."

"No," Akane said. "Research into your past. For example, your name. It isn't Bill Laramie, is it? It's really Satoru Matsui."

Laramie's face flushed red with anger. "That's not true! My name is Bill Laramie! I'm a cowboy from the Lone Star state!"

"No you're not," Akane said. "You're from Nerima. You told us before. Your father is a typical salari-man, and your mother is a typical suburban housewife."

"Shut up! Those are just facts! They don't reveal the true heart of a Texas cowboy!"

"It's true that you've spent a couple of years in America, but aside from visiting numerous dude ranches, you've never worked as a cowboy or been employed as a ranch hand."

"Shut up!"

"You've never even been in a rodeo tournament, have you?"

"I was too busy studying my art!" Laramie yelled.

"And by the way, your accent has completely disappeared," Akane added.

Laramie's face was bright red now. His body shook from anger. You could actually hear his teeth grinding.

"Now you've made me really angry," Laramie growled. "Now Ah'm gonna show you the extent of my rodeo martial arts!"

Bill Laramie, the Original Lone Star Outlaw Cowboy of the East, launched himself at Akane. His attack was fast and furious, with blows and kicks and lariat strikes by the hundreds. At the center of the ferocious attack, Akane could for several moments barely be seen. What Ranma did manage to see confirmed that she was taking a beating.

Again Ranma took a step forward, then paused. No, it was still Akane's fight to lose. That was the mistake that everyone made with Akane -- she would never grow into a real martial artist if people always bailed her out. Her father was too protective of her, and to be truly honest, Ranma was as well. But you always learned more from a defeat than from a victory.

And despite the cowboy's massive onslaught, Akane actually seemed to be holding her own. In fact, she was taking fewer hits, and managing to dodge more of Laramie's blows.

Ranma watched as Akane and the demented cowboy danced around each other. Just like Ranma in any of his fights, Akane looked calm, collected, unconcerned with her opponent, almost as if she were toying with him. Not that she really _was_ toying with him; the cowboy was still pushing her hard. Her shirt was torn in so many places that it was about to fall apart. Blood was flowing from multiple wounds, while she'd failed to land a blow on her opponent. In fact, she didn't seem to be fighting back at all, just dodging, blocking, and falling back, allowing the cowboy expend all the energy.

Ranma blinked. Understanding hit her like a brick. As if she'd just placed the last pieces into a jigsaw puzzle and could suddenly see the whole picture, she saw the fight in front of her from a whole new angle.

_Akane could still win!_

The cowboy blazed with an angry, red-hot battle aura. Akane spun about, not attacking, her center a pocket of cool calm. Her body and soul were like ice. She was leading him in a circle that spiraled ever inward...

Hiryü Shöten Ha. The heaven's dragon blast. It was Ranma's best attack. Akane had seen it many times. She'd been there when Ranma first learned it -- but could she really pull it off herself?

Ranma held her breath, watching the two spiral inwards. Closer. Closer. Akane had to hold herself in check until the final blow. Laramie was growing more frustrated and more angry, unable to land enough blows to end the fight. Closer. Almost there...

_Now._

"Hiryü Shöten Ha!" Akane screamed. Her fist flew upwards in one massive punch. Her battle aura flared, and a look of glee crossed her face. She didn't even hit Laramie, but she didn't have to.

The wind spun about, sucking up dust and bits of red silk from Akane's shredded top. They spun several feet into the air -- and then fell, as the tiny tornado dissipated.

Akane stared at her fist, stunned. "Wha... why didn't that work?" she said.

Ranma blinked. For a moment, she too was stunned. Akane had done everything right... except...

Ranma suddenly realized. _Akane had lost her cool._

The Hiryü Shöten Ha was the most difficult attack Ranma had ever learned. It required not only an opponent with a powerful battle aura, but the ability to shut down your own battle aura to the point where your body and soul were like ice. It took an unbelievable amount of self control. In fact, many were surprised that Ranma could do it at all. Akane had almost succeeded, but at the last moment, as she threw the all-important uppercut, her battle aura had flared. She'd anticipated the coming victory, and lost control of her chi, her emotions, her aura. She'd lost her center, and the resulting tornado had fizzled out.

She'd been so close. She thought exactly as Ranma thought. She knew all of his moves, inside and out. But in the end, Akane simply _wasn't_ Ranma.

Ranma cracked a smile. Just as she'd thought. There was only _one_ Ranma Saotome.

Bill Laramie slammed his fist into Akane's jaw. Caught by surprise, Akane flew across the street. Her head slammed hard into an unfinished tombstone, which was leaning against the wall of a building apparently intended for an undertaker.

Akane collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

"Akane!" Ranma yelled.

Ignoring her, Laramie stood in the middle of the street, hands on his hips. "Wheeee-haw!" he yelled. "I win! I win! Now, ta brand the little filly..."

He turned and pulled several white-hot brands from the fire. He didn't even notice that a girl in a blue Furinkhan High dress, who until recently had been hog-tied to a post in the center of the street, was now standing behind him.

"Okay," Ranma said. "I've had just about enough of this whole stupid charade! Wearing girl's clothes, burning my stir fry, taking cold baths, sleeping with ungrateful pigs, pretending to be in distress, and all those stupid rose petals! I'm gonna make _you _pay for it all!"

"Excuse me?" the cowboy said. He turned, and his jaw connected with Ranma's fist.

Bill Laramie, like Akane before him, flew head-first into a thick wooden beam. It shattered. The roof above, already sagging from the loss of one beam, collapsed.

Beneath the rubble, Laramie groaned. The rubble shifted, and a large chunk of roof was tossed out of the way. Laramie stood, retrieved his hat, dusted it off, and turned to face Ranma.

Ranma smirked. "You really _are_ as tough as Ryoga," she said.

"Dang," the cowboy said. He rubbed his chin. "Ya pack a powerful punch, little filly. But Ah've already defeated yer sweetheart, ya know. Now be a good little lady and stay out o' mah way while Ah brand yer beau..."

"Over my dead body!"

The cowboy frowned. "If'n Ah got ta fight you too, then Ah will," he said. "But Ah don't see why..."

"Bring it on, you western freak!" Ranma said. "I'm gonna pound you into next week!"

"Get him, sugar!" Ukyo yelled.

"Now the real battle begins," Cologne said.

"This is most confusing," Mousse said. "Why did Saotome fail to land the heaven's dragon blast? How did he allow himself to be defeated? And why does Akane now challenge someone who is clearly out of her league?"

"Oh, Mousse," Shampoo said. "You is too too too stupid."

With a cry of, "Kachü Tenshin Amaguriken!", Ranma leaped at the cowboy, fists flying. The two spun about in the air above the street, exchanging kicks and blows. Laramie wielded his branding irons with amazing skill. When they separated, it was with results similar to Akane's battle with Laramie. Each had landed several blows, and Ranma's dress was burned in several places, but neither had done significant damage. Laramie was too fast for the chestnut fist, and while he was tired and battered from his previous fight and from Ranma's first crushing blow, it was not enough to give Ranma a definitive edge.

Ranma had suspected as much. She'd been unwilling to believe it at first, but Akane's chestnut fist was nearly the equal of her own. Likewise, Akane's chi blasts were so close to Ranma's as to be almost indistinguishable. There was really no point in using either attack on Laramie.

In the end, Akane had had the right idea. She'd known how to defeat Laramie. She just hadn't been able to pull it off.

But this time, Laramie faced the genuine article.

"Yer good," Laramie said. "Ah thought that lil' Akane Tendo was one o' the weakest of the Nerima group. 'Peers Ah was wrong."

"You know," Ranma said, "This western town of yours is really pathetic."

"Now, don't ya go makin' fun of mah East-O-Texas Original Lone Star Ranch," the cowboy said. "Ah worked hard to fix it up."

"I've seen better at Disneyland," Ranma said. "And as far as Asian cowboys go, Jackie Chan is better than you'll ever be."

"Ah got great respect fer Mr. Chan, but he's no cowboy..."

"Neither are you," Ranma said. "Do you know how stupid that accent sounds? Do you know how stupid you look in that getup?"

"Now, see here lil' lady..."

"For that matter, do you know that your mustache has fallen off?"

Laramie's hand went to his face, which was clean-shaven. "Dangit!" the cowboy swore.

"Ba-a-ka," Ranma said softly.

Anger flared in the cowboy's eyes. "Okay, ya floozy, you asked fer it! Ah'm gonna give ya the same treatment as Ah gave yer man!"

"Baka! For the last time, I'm not her woman, and she's not my man! Now, come on and fight! Show me what you've got! Because it'll never be enough to defeat Ranma Saotome!"

"Ah already done _defeated_ Ranma Saotome!"

"Baka! Moron! Imbecile! You wouldn't know a cow if one sat on your face! You couldn't lasso a tree stump, let alone a moving target! "

Laramie grabbed a fresh set of irons from the fire and launched himself at Ranma. Ranma only laughed as she fell back, leading Laramie in an inward spiral. His battle aura was even more out of control than before, and the white-hot branding irons only added to the heat Laramie was generating. Anticipating the finishing blow, Ranma held his battle aura under lock and key. The air around his body grew colder by the second. And then the moment came:

"Hiryü Shöten Ha!"

Freezing cold air collided with Laramie's red-hot aura. The wind corkscrewed about Ranma's upward punch. In less than a second, a massive tornado was generated, with Laramie at the center of the storm.

It wasn't the largest Ranma had ever generated. Probably nothing would equal the one she'd managed against Happosai and his immense lust aura, which had also included the battle auras of several of Ranma's most frequent enemies. But Laramie had generated a truly impressive battle aura, and Ranma, frustrated from two days of acting like Akane, had produced an especially cold 'soul of ice'.

Laramie was sucked up into the maelstrom and tossed perhaps a half-mile into the air. His body was just a speck against the blue sky. As it descended, it seemed as if the cowboy would land up to a mile away from where they were, but then a larger speck appeared. By straining your eyes, you might have made out a massive body like that of a Brahma bull, with powerful arms like a yeti, and huge, crane-like wings.

It snatched the smaller speck that was Laramie out of the air, and then both specks disappeared into the blue.

XXX

Cologne surveyed the remnants of the little cowboy town. Half had been destroyed in the fight, and the tornado had torn several more buildings apart. Akane still lay unconscious in front of a marble headstone, while Ranma, knocked back by her own attack, had been thrown head-first into what was left of the wooden pole in the center of the street, and was also unconscious.

"Much destruction," Shampoo observed.

"Son-in-law never does anything halfway," Cologne said. "That was quite a blast he unleashed."

Ukyo ran to Ranma. Cologne pogo'd over to where Akane lay. Little of the red silk top remained, and Akane wore no bra.

Cologne glanced at Mousse, who for once got the message on the first try. He stripped to the waist and used his robe to cover Akane.

"She'll live," Cologne said. "Now, as for Son-in-law..."

Akane opened her eyes. "Elder Cologne?" she asked.

"Ah. Welcome back to the living, dear. Can you tell me who you are?"

"What do you mean, who I am? I'm Akane, of course."

"Of course." Cologne's eyes sparkled. "We can all be thankful for that."

"Akane?" Mousse adjusted his glasses. "You aren't Ranma Saotome?"

"Stupid Mousse," Shampoo muttered.

"Of course not," Akane growled. "Do I _look_ like Ranma?" She sat up, then put a hand to her head. "Oh, that hurts." Her hand froze, and she added, "Since when do I have a pigtail?"

"It's been an eventful two days," Cologne replied. "You may not remember any of it. You hit your head, and you've been delusional since."

"Delusional?" Akane said. "In what way?" She sat up and looked around. Glancing down at herself, she frowned. "Why am I dressed like this? What's going on?"

"It's a very long story, my dear," Cologne said. "But it's provided some interesting clues to your dormant abilities as a martial artist."

"Huh?"

"We've got a lot to talk about," Cologne said. "For now, we should check on Son-in-law, and then head back to town before night falls..."

A shadow fell across Akane. Ranma stood over her, eyes wide.

"Akane? Is it really you?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course it's me! Who else would I be?"

"You haven't the slightest clue," Ranma said. "But I'm so glad you're back!" She swept Akane into a tight embrace.

"Hey!" Akane exclaimed, pushing her fiancee away. "Stop hugging me!"

Ranma pulled back. "Akane? Why? Is something wrong?"

"It's just... we're both girls!"

"Yes? What has that to do with anything?"

"Well... it's just that..." Akane's voice trailed off, and her face flushed red in embarrassment.

"Well," Cologne said, "I'm just glad that you're you, and Son-in-law can go back to being Son-in-law..."

"Um..." Ukyo said. "As for that... I don't think Ranma honey is exactly 'back to normal'."

"Speaking of which," Ranma said, "where is Saotome, anyway? He really tore this cowtown up, didn't he?"

The others watched Ranma warily. Akane, who was not quite following the current thread of conversation, was staring especially hard. Her eyes narrowed. "That better not be my school dress you're wearing," she warned.

"Don't be silly," Ranma said. "It's mine, of course." She looked around, and added, "Saotome was wearing yours, you know... why he was doing so is a little complicated, but I'm sure he can explain it all to you somehow."

Cologne frowned. "And you are...?"

"Nabiki Tendo, of course," she said. "Akane's sister, remember? Why? Who did you think I was?"

Everyone stared at Ranma in shock. Finally, Cologne said, "Oh, dear..."

FINI


End file.
